


Amaranthine

by orphan_account



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Lowercase, Multi, Paul is a slut, and in love with paul, did i mention he’s a slut, george is cute, he’s stubborn though, i don’t think this will have a happy ending, i found this from years ago, irritable george harrison, it has enough chapters, it’s not finished but, john is in love with paul, john is lonely, like very important, mclennon is my life rn, paris is important, paul is in love with john, ringo has cameos for now, some fluff included too, this is updated daily really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-10-24 17:43:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 45,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20710001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: paul drills a hole into john’s life.





	1. copulate.

**Author's Note:**

> i’m a lazy fat ass that doesn’t like using caps for a good portion of my stories. but i still use them because they fit in sometimes. it’s like an aesthetic, hope you don’t mind.

the john pranced on paul like a lion would on its prey, and the younger hadn't seen it coming. as their lips collided together, john was eager to finger the shape of mini buttons on paul's dressed shirt — altogether unbuttoning his shirt. paul returned the kiss, clapping his hand at the nape of john's neck, massaging the baby hairs in the back of his neck as they risen from the heat of the zealous kiss.

as if their clothes were on fire, and with their lips accidentally bumping into each other. john pressed his forehead against paul's as he eagerly unbuttoned his black bellbottoms, shagging them down almost forcefully. paul laid back on his elbows, wiggling his legs with a few pompous giggles as john chucked the bellbottoms along with his flannel undergarments to the other side of the room. paul had then sat up so that their lips were settled back against each other, their body heat quickly adapting to each other's as paul's fingers curled up at the hem of john's shirt.

he had then pulled it up, and off of his head nonchalantly throwing it off to the other side of the room. paul's mischief besmirching up the teddy-boy style was obvious, but as rare as it is at this moment; john could care less. their lips barely left each other as john yanked the shirt off of paul's shoulders, causing paul's breath to hitch at john's rough calloused hands touching his bare and sensitive skin. the shirt slid down paul's arms, and soon those arms were wrapped around john's neck. their kissing never ceasing to stop, it's just that their lips fitted perfectly with each other. john along the younger man didn't even notice that one was naked already, and one still had his trousers and underwear on.

paul and john finally reluctantly pulled away from each other, catching their breaths as a string of mixed saliva were the only thing keeping them attached to each other.

john has worked his pants down on his way to the dresser, absently tripping over the lump of his guitar. he cursed under his breath, ears perking as he heard a distinct sound of laughing. paul was going to pay for that. once he reached the dresser, he wrapped his slightly trembled hand around the lube bottle and whirled around on the heels of his foot. he wasn't scared or anything, but it was just the shedding excitement that seemed to coat his very-being.

once back on the bed, john shoved paul down on his backside. trapping him still with one opened hand roughly pinning him down on the bed, the other hand flicking the lube cap open with his thumb. tossing it a bit in the air so that it turnt upside down, registering a squeeze hard enough for it to squirts a fair amount of lube on his palm. john had knocked paul's legs open with his own broad thighs, and an evil smirk was placed on his face as he felt the heavy breathing of the younger man underneath him quicken slightly.

"hurry up you daft git, haven't got all day. i got places to be unlike you." paul spat, voice rough with arousal and face red with a blush.

although paul looked womanly, he was far from feminine as people make him out to be. he was as rough in bed, more rough than john himself but he could never bring himself to top. that was the best thing about it. a dominant demeanor but he was a bottom, something between a pillow princess and a power bottom. depending on his moods. it was like that for every boy he's been with.

john shut the younger man up with a kiss, a kiss that wasn't dragged out and as hungry as beforehand. as their lips did their work, john fiddled with his oily fingers for a bit before reaching downwards to circle the rim of paul's tightened treasure chest. a treasure chest that he loved opening with every man that came his way. always ripe, and somehow they always seemed to keep it tight. after a few more minutes, and a needy shift of paul's hips, john's fingers timidly slipped inside without john even noticing.

paul pulled away, and let an open mouthed grunt out at the severe burn. jolting away as his face became riddled with pain, his breathing capturing in his throat which only made whimpers exclude from out of his mouth. he grasped onto john's shoulders, digging his nails in the thick skin that covered them. this made everything stop for a few minutes, both men in deep silence as the chirping birds from outside of the slightly cracked window flew by. a humming bird landed on john's windowsill, humming tranquility into the silence that flooded the room.

"move." paul suddenly demanded once he got ahold of himself. john didn't move though, and the slight anxious expression on his face washed away. suddenly, everything was back to its heated atmosphere.

"sure bout that mate? thought i ruptured ya sweet arse." john said, planting a condescending kiss on paul's reddened cheek. before paul could whip up a smart response, john had moved his fingers in a slow, and caring motion. scissoring his fingers inside of paul's tight heat.

paul turnt his head to the side, pain melting into immense pleasure that only john could cause. his plump lips parted, as he moaned softly into his bicep. he hooked his own arms over his head and grasped at headboard, chest heaving upwards, legs shaking as they widened for more access. he felt the thin, yet luscious lips of john lennon kissing at his inner thigh and at two of his balls.

"john- oh fuck- please," paul rolled his hips, catching a heated aura of john suddenly on top of him. eyes laced with amusement and lust that could kill a priest if near. their lips collided again, as john removed his finger from paul's slightly stretched gaping hole.

to avoid another silent mishap, john had squirted lube on his member. more lube than normally necessary, but for some reason this time paul was more sensitive than he'd thought, considering all of the younger boy's other times. afterwards, paul cupped john's face in his hand as their lips were being sucked up from the dangerous hunger that the two men had. john murmured you're so good for me princess as a reassuring statement as he slowly inched his way inside of paul, rocking his hips back and forth as he steadied himself once fully in.

paul's breath was hitching into the kiss, face red and little bumps of eager sweat forming on his forehead. his hair a mess, had fallen in front of his face and as john wiggled carefully inside of him he kept pulling his hair away from his paul's flushed out, gorgeous and delicate baby-face. john had then began to slowly thrust himself inside of paul, egging on a rather loud moan from the depths of paul's throat. his leg subconsciously became hooked up around john's waist, their kisses becoming more sloppy as john began to speed up to his signature thrusting.

john moaned shakily into paul's opened mouth as his member was relentlessly squeezed by the heat of wet walls. his hips jammed into paul so hard he heard their skin clap, and he couldn't help but shudder at the satisfied moan that left paul's mouth. eventually, both of paul's legs were wrapped around john's waist and sweat didn't bother itself from forming on john's forehead. the tip of the fallen strands of his hair suddenly became wet as the bed creaked. god paul felt so good, the way his hips moved in the same rhythm as john and the way his sweet pleas, minty breath had covered his sense of smell never felt so good. 

"fuck me, fuck me, fuck me." paul began to repeat breathlessly, his legs tightening around johns's waist as he jolted his own hips up against the relentless thrusting of john lennon. john was effortlessly hitting every spot, and paul couldn't get enough of it, he wanted more and more from the older man. more than john could possibly give, and john was trying his best to give it all to him. but as the perfectionist paul is, he could never be satisfied.

john was tensing as waves of more pleasure rushed through him, he found it unbearable to keep on any longer with paul. he was so tight, and the never ending pleas of him to give him more made john a bit insecure. the burn of his stomach and hips, along with his lower back were beginning to wash over the pleasure. so he transitioned to sitting up, breaking the heated kiss that left saliva on both of their lips and the corner of their mouth.

by now the humming bird was gone, and the heated sex that was going on began to fog the window.

john sat up and hooked his hand under paul's knees, pushing them back. paul sat up on his elbows, with his breathing labored and his eyes glazed with just. his normally innocent face, remained — innocent. but a rather subversive look had sheltered within his expression, and he let john push his legs back while he shifted his lower half to further comply. john entered him again, feeling as if he would explode with the stilled tightness that paul still had.

john ransacked several hard thrusts, hitting paul's prostate head-on enough for the younger man to unfold all the way. cum streaking across his stomach, as he arched his back and inhaled so deep that his rib cage seemed to make a broad entrance. as he came, his long lashes fluttered and the doe eyes seemed to get impossibly more doe-like. his thighs were shaking, and he clenched around john tight enough for john to release his own self.

john was in mid stroke once paul clenched around him, causing the length of shaft to go rigid against the soft walls. john's mouth fell open as he let a rough moan drag out of his mouth, his breathing labored as he collapsed next to the younger man who was also trying to catch his breath. 

after a few minutes, paul sat up with a smile on his beautiful face. "well, it was great doing business with you." paul had then got up, and went to retrieve his clothing that had been messily thrown about the room.

john sat up on his behind, watching as paul has put his clothes back on. a unique wave of loneliness hit him, and he couldn't help but feel a little bit whipped on the boy. he knew he shouldn't feel this, he was introduced to this lad only a few hours earlier by his mate stuart. he was told that paul knew how to have a good time, and paul's flirtatious personality did not cause john to doubt anything. john wasn't stupid enough to ask paul where he was going, they just had sex and that's it. paul just wanted to prove his point to join.

"not bad yourself y'know." paul winked, as he didn't bother buttoning his shirt back up. and with that, he headed towards his door and left without another word.

once john knew he was alone, he grasped his fallen guitar off of the floor and began to tidy up his room. tears welling up in his eyes as he began to feel the loneliness creep up on him.

hopefully he'd see the boy again.


	2. luminescent

john let the smoke steadily flow through his thin, chapped pink lips and his flared nose. eyes piercing each sweaty bodied person, and a girl that was half naked swam by with her tits out like she had no care in the world. youthful. something john didn't feel like, although he was barely brushing past twenty — he felt as if he already lived his youth. he put the joint back to his lips, feeling the vibrant and needed wave of marijuana wash over him. an exhale escaped his lips, as he pushed past the sweaty bodies. going over towards the couch that curved, it was cooped up but there was also enough space for him. 

as soon as he sat down, he felt a small hand on his chest and a thick set of lips kiss his earlobe. he glanced to his side, seeing a fair headed blonde girl with beautiful rarely seen auburn colored eyes that weren't filled with anything but lust. her legs were crossed, so now her slinky velvet colored dress was up to her mid thighs, and red set of lips pressed against john's cheek before she whispered in his ear. "i had my eyes on you the minute you walked in." 

"wouldn't risk you going blind over someone like me blondie." john said, as he slung his arm over around her neck. pulling her closer, as his hand hovered over right breast, she smiled cheekily and squeaked slightly in victory as john placed his lips against her neck. 

he needed a distraction from that pretty boy he fucked a few weeks ago. all he could think about was him, and every sensual thought roused his little one. not only his little one. but it also roused the feelings of his attraction to him, the way he withered under his touch, the way he stared into his eyes and the way paul would blush. the way he held onto him, and the way he kissed him so passionately. the way they kissed each other, and held each other while he thrusted inside of him. god he would slit his wrist to do it all over again. 

he thought about this as he held onto the blonde's waist as she rode him. john was thinking about those big hazel doe eyes, and those full lips that somehow fitted perfectly against his. john thought about his soft skin against his dried skin, and the way paul had moaned his name, he was tighter than this woman that was losing her mind. john jerked his hips up as he thought of the overwhelming sight of paul displaying his cum all over himself, and as paul was shaking underneath him. along with how fucking tight he clenched around him. 

"oh god- oh fuck-" john moaned as his chest heaved, releasing everything he had inside of her. clenching onto her waist as she orgasmed on her own, riding it out on his twitching member. 

•••

"what's your name?" john asked the girl, lighting up a cigarette for her as they both retired back to the couch area. it seemed less cooped up, but there was still a lot of provocative acts happening on the cushion. 

"cynthia powell, yours?" she asked, sitting back so that her back was pressed against his chest. she inhaled in the smoke, and held it in for a bit before releasing it — to john that was the most attractive action he had ever seen. and at once he pushed paul out of his thoughts, paying attention the dime before him. 

"john lennon." john said, absently feeling up on strands of her hair. she sighed in content, taking another drag off of her cigarette before silently offering one to john. he waved it off gently, not wanting to overdo anything since he was still glazed on marijuana. 

"lemon or lennon?" cynthia cocked her head to let her eyes lock onto john's, with a penetrative smirk pulling on her face. 

"cheeky git." john chuckled, pulling his newly aquatinted one night stand closer to him. "hey, may i have your number cynthia?"

•••

unfortunately shortly after exchanging numbers, cynthia had to leave. she had snuck out of her parents house, and a friend convinced her for a ride here. she's from a rather strict family that wants her to grow up as a "lady-like" precedent for other upcoming daughters. cynthia didn't want that though. but they forced her into doing it, and of course as someone as free spirited as her, she never took no as an immediate answer. 

john was now looking for another man or woman to chat up. nothing as deep encountered as him and cynthia though, she was different from everyone else in this grotty club. but instead, he caught sight of something that made all the air come out his body. 

paul was dancing so freely in the middle of the club, hips moving, arms flailing. a smile on his beautiful face, and his eyes glazed with anything but sober. men and women were surrounding him, men with hungry looks in their eyes and women who were just laughing at paul's silly moves. paul through his head back, spinning around as his eyes opened promiscuously. a dangerous edge was added onto his gaze, a daring edge that frightened john. 

his drunken eyes captured john's high ones, and as he spun around at an angle that they could properly look at each other. he winked his left eye, and pulled on a smirk that made john's pants tighten. the other burly men followed paul's gaze, and they flared their nostrils over at john in sheer envy. 

paul whisked his way towards the bar, some of the infatuated men happily following behind him like puppy dogs. he twirled around, before pausing and slapping both of his palms down on the countertop to get the bar tender's attention. 

"another round baby?" paul's milky voice caught the bar tender's attention, and soon he spun around. sea-blue eyes meeting paul's quite seducing stare, it felt as if the younger lad was tearing his clothes apart just by looking at him. but he urged himself not to take any chances with this one, he seemed visibly promiscuous especially with the men that trailed behind paul with every movement. 

"this is your eighth one! you can't be serious!" the name-tag on the bar tender's uniform read richard starkey, paul took advantage of the name tag by reaching over and brushing his finger tips lightly over the letters. paul had then dragged his finger tips up the column of richard's throat, and under his chin before tracing the form of richard's lips. all of this causing the older man's face to flush, and blood rushing passionately through his system. 

"please." paul over-dramatically pouted, before grasping at the collar of ringo's shirt. pulling him close to him over the counter, it had caused ringo to squeak at the sudden movement and of how he lurched forward so willingly at the contact. "i'll make it worth your while." 

richard watched as paul's lips twitched into and smirk at the wolf whistles, and jealous growls behind him. he gazed into paul's face, and god he couldn't lie. the boy was extremely good looking, almost perfect looking it almost didn't seem possible that he was real. but at the end, knowing the man was intoxicated he shook his head. "no can do pretty boy. you're too drunk." 

paul half pushed ringo away from him, and sat on the red stool with his arms crossed, along with a stubborn pout on his face. "right, i'm getting the fuck out of here. bloody fucking tart ya are." paul spat, shoving himself off of the stool, walking away from the bar while his two aching pets followed him. 

"aye babe, don't let him get you down." one of the men placed their large hands on paul's hips, pushing paul's backside towards him in obvious want of something. 

john had looked away, blushing as he had literally been staring at paul for five minutes now. the boy was a bastard. a teasing bastard. now being taken over by the full intensity high, he approached paul who was distracted mingling his flirting between the two men who were visibly happy to be around paul. it's obviously shown in their pants. he had cleared his throat loud enough for him to gain attention, and once paul looked over at him he felt his mouth water. 

"oh, my favorite customer." paul said, seemingly forgetting about the two other men. john felt a nudge of offense, customer? who the fuck does he think he is. paul continued, taking broad steps towards lennon and once he was close enough to feel john's weed smelling breath on his face. he ran his hand up john's shirt, seeking comfort in the little hairs that were forming on his chest. "what could i do for you?" 

john pulled away, dick hardening and his face growing red at the seductive touches. "came to say hi." he said with a deep rumble of his voice, as his eyes locked with paul's sensuously captivating gaze. he was so beautiful it made no sense to john, and it didn't help that paul was biting down tantalizingly on his lower lip. 

"well ya did, c'mon paulie." a strong hand grasped at paul's forearm, pulling the younger man away a bit. it caused a sudden force of possessive anger to catapult into john, and he took a step forward with his hand on paul's waist. 

"wait a minute daddy," paul gently shucked the bigger man away, a wink following up with the action. "i can make room for three can't i?" 

"yeah, sod off ya git." john snarled, which had caused the two men to glare at him as if they wanted to settle something later on tonight. john heard something that resembled a high pitched giggle, and he turnt to paul who had been giggling in the palm of his own hand. 

"we'll be waiting for ya paulie." one of the two men grunted, before knowingly patting the back of his other burly friend. they left reluctantly, with lingering glares at john which might have caused john to pounce on them within a second but he isn't missing an opportunity on having paul around him again. 

paul snaked his arms up and around john's neck, crimping his long pianist-like fingers into john's hair as he pulled him in for a kiss. john delightedly complied, their mouths moving together in powerful sync as if they were longingly meant for each other. paul sighed, and maybe john was imagining it but this sigh had seem to be a sigh of tranquility, like paul had been holding up his guard for way too long. and this kiss was unlocking a hidden vulnerability, telling by how paul's tongue didn't fight for dominance as john's tongue brushed over his. 

john held paul firmly by his waist, pressing their bodies together alluringly. it felt like he was in heaven. he wanted this man to be his, paul had him wrapped right around his fucking finger and he hated it. never in his life was he someone to chase after a man, no never in his life was he someone to chase after anyone period. 

paul had broken john's thoughts, warmth and grip as he pulled away. sulking thoughtfully a bit before a smile spread across his face, and he let his hands drop down to john's to unlatch the grip around his waist. "think i spent enough time with you daddy, i can feel it against me." 

john's face reddened with embarrassment, just a kiss could let his little one awaken. and that caused the walls that were thinning around paul to strengthen back up again. as paul was beginning to depart from the mess of emotions, john grasped his wrist gently and with all his pride he began to beg. 

"i want you, i want another round. please- i- i'm desperate.." john stammered, he had never felt this way and to say that it wasn't embarrassing would be a full blown lie. 

"don't usually get seconds." paul said, more to himself than to john. he looked up at the ceiling for a moment as if he was in thought, and then he glanced over at the burly musketeers that were sat at the bar, watching them closely. "dunno, s' a bit of a drag daddy."

"call me john." john said, way too fast for his brain to allow permission for the demanding words to come out of his mouth. john didn't want to be seen as another one of paul's customer, he wanted to be seen as john lennon. 

paul stared at him, sort of intrigued and sort of uncomfortable. so at this moment, he decided to cut the conversation short. "i'll be at stu's tomorrow afternoon, maybe i can give you something." paul leaned in, voice lowering as he neared john's ear. "john." 

with a blink of an eye, john's paul was gone. and literally skipping back towards his two impatient customers from earlier, smiling away as they felt all over his body which was smaller than the two combined. john watched in sexual irritation as paul was getting fondled and kissed on until he was consent-fully dragged into the men's restroom. john had then looked away, and decided to call it a night. he had enough. 

•••


	3. saudade.

that morning john woke up with a lightheaded feeling. he took about five minutes to get up out of his warm bed, sheets coming freshly clean out the dryer prier to the night before. he slept as if he was on a royal bed. mimi being on holiday vacation for a couple of weeks never left his mind, and a mischievous smile began to show on his face. he took about two minutes rubbing his eyes, and then disappearing into the bathroom to start a shower that fitted into his steamy routine. 

as he showered he thought about paul, but surprisingly he thought about cynthia as well. awfully nice, beautiful, funny and she smelt like honey — she would make a nice girlfriend but then again the way paul seemed to be stuck in his mind was so explicit. he thought about the kiss they had shared, and how off guard paul had seemed. he wants to know everything about the boy that stuart introduced him to, that he came inside of later on in the day, the boy who he kissed last night. and the boy that had always seem to cause him getting erect. 

after thoroughly showering, he dried himself up and began to eat breakfast. cornflakes, the best cereal out there in his perspective. john decided to go to stuart's house earlier, so that he wouldn't look like a desperate fool seeing paul already there after the provocative half invite last night. once he entered the home, he was greeted with pete and astrid. 

"morning john." astrid said, turning down the television and waving politely at john who only nodded her direction with a smile. 

"the hell are you doing up so early? unlikely of you john lennon." pete joked and scooted over as john basically sat down in his personal space bubble, he always seemed to do that kind of stuff without thinking of the rational consequences that sometimes come along with it. 

"can't get up early without you drooling on me bloody cock huh?" john asked, playfully shoving pete's side as they shared laugh from the disgusted expression on astrid's face. she couldn't tolerate the boy's vulgar since of humor at times, but that came along with being stuart's girlfriend. 

morning turnt into early afternoon, and the three were busy clamming it up. gossiping, eating, going out for fifteen minutes to get something sweet to munch on. they watched television for about an hour or two, picking different movies to sit down and watch with a microwaved popcorn bag. it was now going on two-eighteen in the afternoon, and john was glancing at the door timelessly internally pleading for someone to come in. 

it was about four now once the door swung open. both stuart and paul walked in but a mean scowl rested on paul's usually happy and jolly features. stuart however looked a bit tense, but astrid took the tension off of his face as she kissed his cheek while rubbing her hands on his chest. it took john all his power not to scurry over to paul and wrap him up in his arms, wiping all the angry tears that fell from his eyes. 

a pause. 

and then pete spoke up, "...y'all good?"

"no!" paul shouted, which caused pete to jump back a bit. john tried to bite back a smile, but the anger on paul's face casted the most adorable and timeless expressions. god he was so cute, even when he's mad, but it was definitely not the time to drool over it. 

"right, so this is what happened basically. when i found paul's slutty ass flirting with that wannabe elvis group or band. y'know, the one we had beef with a couple of weeks ago that are always smoking by the corner store?" stuart calmly explained, and the scowl on paul's face turnt into a more dangerous one. john's eyes were literally glinted with amusement, along with a slight feeling of being stood up. was paul even going to come if stuart hadn't pulled him back home? 

"whatever the fuck you blokes have going on with them doesn't matter to me. i have nothing to do with it. and the next time you let the word slut leave those non existent, mythical lips of yours. i'll cripple ya. i'm not a slut. the next time you call someone a slut should be that girlfriend of yours, heard she's been around." paul said, with the words rambling uncontrollably out of his mouth. stuart seemed to ignore what he said, until paul uttered that last sentence. 

astrid had a hurt look on her face as stuart slowly dropped his hand from her hips, and turnt towards paul who stood still with his fists clenched at his side. john and pete's mouth hung open in awe as silence flooded the living room. paul's face was frozen in that same adorable scowl, but it also looked dangerous and his glare was locked on stuart's for the next minute that passed. 

"mind saying that again?" stuart asked, with something intimidating in his tone. he began to saunter towards paul's frame, which had been trembling uncontrollably with anger and john noticed tears of frustration in his eyes. 

god he was that mad when someone called him a slut? john wasn't choosing sides or anything, but the way paul could maneuver from different to another man was sort of sluttish. but once again, he sat at the sidelines as stuart and paul had an intense stand off in the living room. 

"i believe i didn't stutter mate, clean those ears out more often and put them in use." paul spat, and it was just now he noticed john was staring at him with his eyes wide, an amused smirk on his face at the intense interaction. this only caused paul's anger to simmer down, just a teeny bit but he was still dangerously close to ripping someone's face off. 

"you're not worth it." stuart said, going back to his troubled girlfriend who embraced him tightly in her arms. 

•••

john closed the door to his room, shrugging off his jacket as paul sat down silently on his bed. his face was in his hands, as if he was crying but he wasn't — his breathing was indeed labored though. it was as if he was crying air-tears, and john wanted to ask what was wrong but he wasn't sure. he was looking forward to having to be inside of paul again, and hearing those beautiful soft moans leaving those plump lips of his. the thought made him quickly erect, and suddenly he felt bad that all he could think about was sex. even though he knew that he wanted something more. 

after a few minutes, paul lifted his head up and john's heart broke. he looked so tired, distraught and...sad. why could someone as happily surrounded by friends be so sad, or look so emotionally abused. paul's beautiful eyes lost their significant color, and the glow on paul's face drained into this pale color that john hated. but then he realized, he was seeing the sheer hidden vulnerability and it seemed as if he was invading precious privacy. 

"sorry john, that was embarrassing. fucking stuart." paul's voice was shaking, and it came out forced while his face pinked up as john placed his hand gently on top of paul's cold ones. 

"is it what he called you?" john gently asked, not wanting to stir up paul's anger again. he caressed the softness of the younger boy's hand, and curled his fingers up so now he was significantly holding his hand. paul's features tightened up again, and the vulnerability shown on his face began to fade into the look of anger — if john didn't know any better, he'd think he triggered him. 

"don't want to talk about it. " paul finally said, eyeing john down until that promiscuous gaze came back. he had then grasped the front of john's shirt, smashing their lips together — john was caught way off guard and the crushing kiss would more than likely leave a rather noticeable bruise on both lips. the kiss was painful enough to have their teeth clang together, but they took advantage of that. 

john quickly took control of the younger boy, hands wondering down to his side. clenching the material of his shirt into his fist, raising it up and over paul's head causing them to break the kiss. but paul was fast, fast enough to wrap his arms around john's torso and immediately throw their lips together again. john, sitting on the edge of the bed had began to sway backwards by paul's forceful movements. and since paul was being rough, john grasped paul's arms and slung him backwards. the younger boy's body had hit the bedsheets with a hard thud, causing the bed to hit the wall obnoxiously. 

paul let out a broken gasp at the action, and his eyes widened with vague surprise. his chest rose and fall as his big eyes followed john's movements, seeing the older lad tie his wrists together against the headboard by his own shirt. paul gritted his teeth, willing to put up a challenge as he withered around desperately in the bed. he kicked his legs as john yanked down his pants, along with his grey flannel boxers that obviously had a tint in it. his breath hitched lightly as he spoke, "n-no fair." 

"shhhh," john hushed him, already knowing paul will continue to ramble on. he had leant down, pressing sweet little kisses and sucklings against the curve of paul's jawline that held his pulse. a pleasant whimper from paul echoed in john's ear, and it caused him to chuckle deeply into the moist soft pale skin. as he trailed gentle, caressing kisses down paul's chest — he saw the love marks of others, but they also look like bite-marks and gruesome bruises. has someone been torturing his precious paulie? 

"oh- john.." paul moaned gently, moving his confined and slightly irritated wrists. he moved his head back as john caressed his rib cage, while flicking his tongue against the erected the nipple. out of all of paul's custom- lovers, john was the only one that savored his body — that treated him with kisses that paul will never forget. and it caused paul to tremble, different emotions plaguing his system. as john rose up after treating paul's sharp hipbones with affectionate massages, he kissed the tip of paul's nose and his forehead. 

no. paul had thought, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes began to water. john wasn't about to just fuck him and let him leave, by how tight his shirt was holding his wrists together and by how gentle, affectionate along with loving john is with him. it's a different story. john was going to make love with him. 

"no, i don't want this, get off of me." paul said, below a whisper as john began to strip off his pants. john didn't hear him of course, just because paul could barely get the words out through his mouth. so he inhaled deeply, and clenched his fist around the material or the shirt. "let me go!" 

john glanced at him, furrowing his eyebrows as he approached the thrashing figure on the bed. paul just seemed to get worse and worse as the seconds rolled by like a tractors wheels. his eyebrows furrowed, and his chest was heaving graciously but in a bad way as if he was going to have a panic attack. john, against his own will untied paul's wrist and let the younger man sit up. all in a few seconds he felt the harsh slap of paul's hand on his cheek. 

"who the fuck do you think you are?!" paul snapped, getting up to grasp at his boxers — he slid them on without hesitation as his eyes glared over at john who was recovering silently from the harsh slap. 

"what are you talking about? it's what you wanted right?" john calmly asked, even though anger and disbelief was visible in his light brown eyes. his jaw tightened as he stared dangerously at the boy, no one usually slaps him and gets away with it — as much as he loves this boy, he wasn't anything different. "and why'd you slap me for?" the last sentence came out in a sharp tone, that could cut through a large brick object. 

"do you think you're going to get a different treatment like all the other blokes i let in? no! you must be out of your mind." paul snapped, pulling his pants up as he looked around for his shoes which had been almost comically placed at the door. "you're trying to manipulate me!"

"manipulate?" john asked, in straight up fury. before the boy could go towards his shoes, john grasped at paul's forearm and pulled him back towards the bed. throwing him down on it, but nothing seductive, this was his anger being let loose and paul was about to be a victim. "if anything, you're the manipulative shag-bag that goes around, seducing every man that comes your way! don't you think that some men have fucking feelings? and when you go to fuck their brains out, maybe you have something they wanted in life!"

"or maybe, just maybe you could go and find your lonely ass someone to settle down with. it's not my fault that you want more than what you're offered!" paul was quick with a snapback, and that was when john noticed he was underestimating paul's wit and ability. he was just as quick with his words as john is, and that seemed to cause the older man to pause a bit. long enough for paul to stand up again, but john was fast again and knocked the boy back down. 

"telling me to settle down when you're out fucking the whole world? oh i'll settle down alright, how old even are you?" john scoffed, crossing his arms as paul shuffled back up on his behind. his eyes squinted, and glazed at john with slight humiliation and anger. 

"eighteen, you old twat." paul spat, and got up again. this time john was too frozen to push the young lad back down, he was only eighteen? no wonder why he's so quick to breeze through different clubs, and no wonder why he's so young, so full of youth. the boy was eighteen.

"for how long?" john breathlessly asked, watching as paul grumpily fitted his shoes on. he had then grasped john's jacket off of the floor, and slung it on even though he knows that it isn't his. john couldn't find the right words to stop the young lad from doing his thief activities. 

"two months." paul surprisingly answered, kind of taken back by john's reaction. "how old did ya think i was?" 

for some reason the anger in the room simmered down to them actually getting to know each other. paul had sat on john's bed willingly, tying his shoes on slowly and untying it to give him something to do as they strangely talked. 

"thought you was in ya early twenties. i'm twenty, turning twenty-one next month." john said, plopping down next to paul we he ran a hand through his auburn colored hair. "not looking forward to it." 

"you're mighty young." paul said, in awe of john's age. "thought ya would've been in ye late twenties from how you act." 

hours on, the two had talked about themselves until they had cried themselves to sleep. cried, because they got on the subject of their mother's dying a few years apart. and it had hurt both of them like hell, but one thing wasn't discussed and that was why paul got around so fast. why he decided to be flirty with men bigger than him, and why he would get himself into trouble by doing things like that. 

to john, that was conversation for another time. 

•••


	4. forlorn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i figured i have to change a bunch of stuff up in this story

paul had wondered off towards his natural habitat, that being, the alleys in the livelihood, exciting and naughty city of liverpool. he skipped down towards his favorite place, and that was a hidden club or a hangout spot. just batting his long lashes and feeling up on different men earned him a shag, a very-much needed shag after his rather eventful evening. paul was pressed up against the wall of a building, shirt opened and pants along with his boxers laid on the dry ground. a rather rough gentlemen, had a hand wrapped around the younger boy's throat as he plowed inside of paul. 

"fuck- you're so tight." he growled, drool coming out of his mouth as he plowed inside of paul harder. paul let out a choked moan, wrapping his legs around the man's waist as he threw his head back. the man pulled at his neck, causing paul's head to forcefully lurch forward and he gazed into the younger lad's eyes. now recognizing the man, paul let a smirk form against his lips as he laughed-moaned. 

"faster richard, c'mon daddy." paul gasped as he felt his prostate being jackhammered into, his breath hitching repeatedly as richard sped up. in a flash, both of the men came in loud grunts and soft fragile whimpers that helped the two men come down from their sensual highs. 

later on, outside of a busted down home — richard still had paul under his touch. their lips compassionately sticking together as richard pulled him close, hands gripping paul's clothed buttocks which had led to paul hardening all over again. paul had his hands wildly clutched on richard's hair, pulling and prying on it until he pulled away with a wet smack of their lips. "had fun with you daddy." paul purred, glancing into the blue pools of color that was naturally graced into richard's eyes. 

"you're so beautiful, be mine, i-i'll treat you right." richard began to plead, his hand cupping paul's soft cheek which had been flushed into a crimson color. something that happened every time he had got done shagging somebody. 

paul smiled into the touch, but he shook his head gently. taking richard's hand off of his cheek, bringing the palm of it towards his wet lips. trailing kisses up his hand towards his index finger, plopping the tip of his finger into his mouth — his full lips wrapping around the finger as he stared into richard's desperate eyes. giving him an obscene wink as he plopped the finger out of his mouth, pecking it teasingly before pulling all the way off of richard. "see ya, ringo." he smirked at the nickname he gave richard, who only stood still and erected as paul walked towards the entrance of the home. 

once paul had closed the door once inside, the smirk on his face had dropped. he sighed, and quietly creeped upstairs to his room, not wanting to wake the two people that lived here. especially his father, his dirty, old, no-good, drinking father who'd love to lay his harsh words on paul whenever something wasn't done right. but it was becoming less often because paul fought back, and that caused the estranged relationship with his younger brother michael. his father and michael never had a problem with each other, it anything his father raised michael to be just as much of a cunt than himself. 

paul took a hot shower, letting the water drip down his body. hooking down his curves, his thighs and his plump buttocks. but not only water was streaming down paul's body, there were also tears — tears hotter than the burning scalding water itself. he crimped a fist into his black hair that naturally curled up into the water, as his face was red with tears burning his eyes. his body was racked with anger, a convulsion happening to him as he reached out a trembling hand for the body-wash. paul was crying because he was lonely, he was tired of life and everything didn't go well for him ever since his mother died. 

he thought about the meaningful conversation with john after their row. he thought about how john listened to his rants, and how john wasn't just looking for sex. he felt bad about thrashing away from the promising touches, and kisses, he felt bad about slapping john. but he was scared. he was scared of loving someone, he was scared of being committed to someone who would most likely not share the same energy. when he was a child, he'd always look at women as if it was something he was supposed to do. having one girlfriend at the age of fifteen never really set in, he loved her and she loved him. but after a rather traumatizing miscarriage, and after a rather interesting night out to get away from the emotional stress. he found himself locked up with a man. 

he'd always found men more interesting. before that particular girlfriend, he caught a glimpse of another boy's member — something that he only seen on himself. and they experimented with each other, a pleasurable experience that he never really felt with that particular girlfriend. 

the background of that, jim would yell at him whenever he fucked up. when he didn't take out the trash, or when he accidentally threw away the liquor bottle on the coffee table. his mom used coasters, she'd throw away the drink whenever there was no coasters under it. 

paul loved sex. sex was something like a friend of his, one of his best friend's. sex was like taking a piss after holding it for hours on-end. he was addicted to sex, and he was introduced to sex at a young age. sex will forever be his first love before anything, even his mother. having a man hold you, kiss you, and give you praises even though all you need to is lay down, and spread your legs. paul enjoyed sex, and that's all he ever wanted in life was sex, sex, sex. a relationship, as said before, paul was afraid of. 

paul turnt the shower off and grabbed his towel, stepping out of the shower to dry off. he waltzed over towards the sink, gazing into the slightly foggy mirror which had cleared up a bit. once he caught sight of himself he scrunched his nose up adorably, glancing at the hickey marks and sex bruises. his dad would probably call him a worthless cum dumping faggot, a slut of all sluts, anything that would tear paul's walls down. but he was asleep tonight, and so was michael. so this was basically a night off. 

after getting dressed in a onesie a size too big for him, he ventured off to the kitchen and grabbed himself a can of coke. afterwards, he made two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before leaving towards the living room to turn on the television. his hair was still damp but he didn't care, it felt nice having the water roll down his cheeks and the back of his neck. especially with the fan blowing his way, making him cool all the way off in his onesie. this was one of the rare nights he'd spend asleep at his home, he'd usually crash at one of his lover's places and leave before they wake up. or at stuart's place, offering him a blowjob as a thank you. 

sometimes stuart would accept it. but they don't talk about it afterwards, especially with astrid in his life now. other times stuart would threaten paul with a fist if he ever offered him something as queer as that. but paul's pretty face was barely passable, along with those pretty lips and those touchy hands. 

sometimes, he'd crash at george's house. a close friend of paul's. his parents barely let george see him because of how promiscuous he is, and he didn't want their heterosexual son to be involved with someone like him. 

after finishing his meal, paul placed the empty plate down on the floor along with the can of soda. he stared at the soap opera playing on the television for a few more minutes, before fluttering his eyes closed. 

•••


	5. avaricious.

"hello mimi." john greeted his aunt, wrapping his arms around her for a few short seconds. until he got roughly pushed backwards, with a little murmur of don't be silly from mimi. she gently patted his cheeks with two gloved hands before entering the home all the way, looking around to see if it was still as tidy as she had left it. 

"kept it clean ya know." john said, chuckling a bit as mimi continued to trail around the house. staring about different rooms before finally stirring around on her heel, embracing john affectionately which had caught john off guard. especially since he had been rejected from a hug earlier on. 

mimi had fished some food out and began to make dinner, giving john the chance to go out. when he asked, she shrugged and said. "you're almost twenty-one. go ahead." 

john threw on his jacket, and stopped by the telephone before leaving out. he had a sudden smile on his face as he dialed a familiar number, hooking the phone on his ear as he bit his lip with sheer excitement racking through his young body. as he waited for the person to pick up, his foot tapped repetitively on the floor while he bit sort of nervously at his nails. he didn't know if someone else was going to pick up, and he was sure that this was the right number. 

•••

"john!" cynthia squealed, running towards him as he walked up towards her home. stuart, pete and along with astrid trailing behind him. john let a smile come across his face as he wrapped his arms around her waist, as she threw her arms around his neck. he heard some wolf whistles behind him, and a few claps coming from his friends. 

later on they all went out to eat, sitting at a big booth that could about ten people in it. john and cynthia seemed to have gotten closer, getting to know each other — as weird as it seemed paul hadn't crossed john's mind at all as he flirted with cynthia. he actually felt moved as he talked with her, and as they all joked around when cynthia explained her family problems to all of them. astrid and cynthia got hung up on girl-like conversations, and john repeatedly stole cynthia's attention by whispering something about the fat woman on the other side of the restaurant. causing her to break into a laugh that only john could be proud for. 

it came across john's mind that this was somewhat like a date. and as the six stuck together through nicking records from the store, and riding at the top of busses, causing a wreck at different pubs all throughout liverpool — he grown to like cynthia. he wanted her more close, but he still felt stuck with paul so he didn't want to overstep. but at the same time, cynthia was just as irresistible. 

"trash," john threw the record out into the ocean as they all strode along the boardwalk. pete walked beside him, throwing different records into the ocean that he didn't particularly like. while astrid, cynthia and stuart trailed behind. john furrowed his thick eyebrows as he threw another record into the ocean, his eyes dropping as he became annoyed with everything in his hand. "they're all trash, i think i nicked the wrong stuff." 

"johnny!" cynthia ran up to him giggling, holding out a record she got from stuart. she let her other hand push a strand of her hair behind her ear, "this one is called, i put a spell on you. my mother listened to half of it before turning it off. to me..it's really good." 

john let his eyes widen over her beauty with astonishment before finally taking the record out of her hand. "i'll give it a listen cyn." he said, before leaning in pressing a gentle kiss on her flushed cheek which had earned him a soft giggle. john loved hearing her angelic laughs coming out of her, as much as he reminisced about those moans leaving her lips as she rode him in the bathroom when they first met. 

as they all walked home chattering, with the sun dipping. cynthia had departed, smile dropping when she saw her stern nanny staring at her as if she robbed a bank. cynthia kissed john goodbye, before waving lightly at everyone else before going up to her house. john was joking around with pete as astrid and stuart were having a deeply animated conversation about art. 

right around when john thought he could last a day without of thinking of paul. he saw the boy giggling and swaying with his hair debauched, shirt opened with a man's arms wrapped around his waist. it seemed as if they were entering a club that had music blasting loudly, and the lights whirring around candidly. he wanted to see what was going on in that club. 

and he set out to it, having the rest of the scooby-gang follow along. when john pushed the door opened, he looked around carefully for the beautiful figure that was pulled in by a rather largely built, muscular man. he ignored the concerned calls from his friends, and followed the sound of a familiar squeal and laugh. he didn't know why he felt the urgency to look for paul, even though paul was a rather a lascivious figure. the way he was pulled in so desperately caused an urge of possessiveness to plague john's mind. 

as he walked around the club, he realized it was the same club where he'd met cynthia. and he'd been around here a lot so he was familiar with almost anything that passed the corner, or passed by in general. john had finally captured paul, who had been laid down on the couch, with his one leg lazily slung off of the couch while the other was curled up so that his knee was sticking up. a large guy on top of him, and their lips mushed together in a passionate kiss that paul seemed to be enjoying. his arm was wrapped around the man's upper torso, gripping his shirt as the man on top of him had begun to roughly grind against his crotch. 

john felt his fist curl up, and his eyes narrow as he watched them basically dry-hump each other on the couch. he didn't know what had came over him, and suddenly his hand had grasped at the back of the man's shirt. clenching his fist down tightly so that he held a strong grip, afterwards he used all his anger to throw a man across the floor. knocking him into other dancing bodies that were behind him. it had caused the crowd to back up with murmurs, and slight shrieking. 

"get the fuck away from him!" john yelled, rushing towards the man who seemed to be recovering. he had then got on top of him, raising his fists up before bringing it back down against the stranger's face. he didn't know what happened to him. earlier he was all over cynthia, looking as if they were a freshly married couple. and now he's punching a guy's face in for being all over paul, in a jealous rage that he couldn't control. 

"john! stop! you're gonna kill him!" he felt someone grasp at his shirt. trying to pry him off of the half unconscious man underneath him, his fists were bloody and his face was red with anger as he was pulled off of him. 

he turnt around and faced a terrified paul, an angry stuart, a rather unsurprised astrid along with a shocked pete. john's blood was still hot so as if nothing mattered to him, he grabbed at paul's collar and roughly pulled the trembling man close to him. his breath in paul's face, as he gripped him tighter to the point paul let out a scared squeak. 

"what the fuck is wrong with you?! huh?! do you know who the fuck this guy is?!" john snapped, frightening paul more than he already was frightened. 

"n-no, i- i was just-" paul stammered, and it was at this point he knew paul was drunk or probably drugged out of his mind. because he usually bites back at times like these, but right now he's shaking like a leaf and he didn't know what was wrong or what was right. this caused john's face to soften as he let go of paul, and turnt back to the man who was getting tended to. 

"if i see you, or any other of your wannabe elvis pricks near him again. i swear i'll kill you with my bare hands." john threatened, and grabbed paul roughly by his arm dragging him out of the now quiet club. 

stuart followed with his hand tightly holding onto astrid's, along with pete trailing behind him sending the party people apologetic glances for the trouble. they all left john and paul to themselves, concluding their day out to the thanks of paul mccartney. 

•••

"hey! let me go! what the fuck is your problem?!" paul finally sobering up began to confront john, shoving him away as they parked their legs in the middle of an empty street with only one streetlight glimmering down on them. 

"my problem?! my problem?!" john turnt around and came up to paul's face, snapping in his ear. "my problem is you macca! you prancing around with the wrong fucking people is the problem!"

paul didn't even notice his nickname, too angry to focus on anything but john. he didn't understand why john had ruined that opportunity for a needed shag like that, and he was about to fight john for it. but that was just the way his head worked, and that's how mad he seemed to be surprisingly at the moment. not knowing exactly why, maybe it was just the chemicals pumping dangerously through his veins. 

"and what does the wrong people have to do with me john?! whatever is going on with you and him is not my issue!" paul yelled, while he swayed a bit. clenching and unclenching his fists as he braced himself to get yelled at some more. 

"i don't want you to get hurt macca! that's what'll happen to you! like i said before every person you fuck, something comes along with that! i care for you! and if anything happens to you i'll lose myself! that's what stuart tried to say you bloody git!" john spat, frustration cracking his voice up as if he was about to cry. 

"i can handle myself john! i don't need someone to look a-after me!" paul began to break, john was a bat to the glass and it began to shatter. "i can do whatever i want!"

paul had begun to broke down, as he began to feel as if his legs had given up on him. but he didn't want to lose this fight, he didn't want to cry in front of john, he didn't want any of this. he could be getting shagged by now, and nothing else would matter to him. john's face softened, as he caught the look of emotional triumph wash over paul's face. and the look on john's face was all it took for paul to break down, sinking to the ground with a soft thud as his face covered. 

john watched as paul cried, not understanding the mood change. but he didn't want paul to cry, so he knelt down on one knee and placed a gentle hand on paul's trembling shoulder. his eyes glazed over him with uncertainty of what to do, he didn't know how to get paul to feel better especially from the awkward position. 

•••

knowing mimi wouldn't allow someone with paul's background inside, john used the twenty quid he had left to book himself a hotel for the night. he had led a silent paul inside, and closed the door before turning the light on. the younger man ran a hand down his exhausted face and turnt towards john with his face scrunched up in confusion. 

"do you expect a fuck out of this? if so then let's hurry before i fall asleep." paul said as he began to back john up against the door, but john had gently shook his head as he rested his palm on paul's shoulder, pulling him in for a gentle peck. 

"let's get some rest." john replied, before heading over towards the neatly made bed. checking it thoroughly for any bedbugs, before climbing in with paul already snuggled up warmly by his side in only boxers. john slung an arm almost possessively around paul's waist, while the younger lad was turnt away from john so it'd be easier to spoon him. 

john thought it'd take awhile for paul to fall asleep, but surprisingly he fell asleep rather three minutes into their cuddling. what had also surprised john was that paul had interlinked their fingers together, holding john's arm close to him as he slept peacefully. and it didn't take awhile for john to sit up a bit, gazing down in awe at the sleeping figure in front of him. paul was about the same height as john, maybe an inch shorter but something about paul in this moment radiated a small vulnerability. his baby face became more innocent, and his black hair fell in front of his face, he seemed to ball up almost in a fetal like position also. 

the conversation they had before seemed to grow on john, and he still never seem to notice why paul sells himself out to men. to bad men, to men that are rough on him, to men that don't treat him like the beautiful man he is. was paul lost? did he simply not care in what predicament he could put himself in if he mixed himself up with the wrong man? that's what almost happened tonight, and that's why john was so angry with him. he was frustrated at how naive paul was being, he wanted to find a way to get to him but paul was much more quick than john is. 

when he saw paul crying, like really crying he used that opened window to figure this boy out. but paul was a mystery, a sudden force thrusted into john's life and john fell in love with it deeply. he fell in love with paul. he wanted to show it to him so many times but paul kept closing in and lashing out on john instead. 

john laid back down, head resting on the pillow as he began to slowly close his eyes. he'll get to this boy one way or another.


	6. truculent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the feedback

john fell slack against his bed sheets at mimi's home, arriving early in the morning with an egg carton so mini wouldn't rant about him not coming home. even though he was twenty, mimi would still get worried at times when he isn't home at a certain time. this time the eggs managed to work. and eggs weren't the only thing that came home with john. 

next to him was pretty eyed, golden locks; cynthia powell. john was bold enough to refer to her as his girlfriend, and cynthia couldn't stop blushing. but john also didn't know what he was doing, because earlier on that morning — john was literally giving paul a kiss goodbye which paul had purposely lingered. almost causing john to wreck him on the bed, but he pulled away and winked flirtatiously at him as if yesterday didn't happen. 

anyway. 

john tipped himself over cynthia, pinning her on the bed as their lips moved together in type sync. he loved kissing her, but not as much as kissing paul and that's when he did more on her. he needed to stop thinking about paul if he wanted to make this work, and he wasn't going to break this beauty's heart over a boy who could go through hundreds of men in an hour. cynthia began to strip off john's shirt, as john pushed cynthia's skirt and knickers down. unbuttoning her blouse, exploring her bosoms with his calloused and hungry hands. 

she moaned gently as she ground her hips against his clothed thigh, while he growled sexual obscenities in her ear. 

•••

later on, while cynthia was finishing off her homework for school. a cigarette in her mouth, with only her knickers and bra on, john was fiddling with his guitar next to her — tuning it a bit before strumming it gently as he cleared his throat. it caused cynthia's eyes to glance up at him as she took a drag, pulling the cigarette out of from between her lips as she exhaled smoke in a way that always drove john crazy. 

just because of that he winked at her, causing her to giggle softly before continuing his strumming. causing cynthia to sway side to side, pulling a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. john parted his lips and began to sing heavenly, "that boy..took my love away, but he'll regret it someday..but this boy wants you back again." 

cynthia began to blush and cover her mouth as john continued to sing. but here was the problem. john was singing to her, but he was thinking about THAT boy. that boy as in paul, and his emotions stirred up as his mind began to become flooded with the image of paul in brain. he wanted to forget it. he wanted to think about his love that was in a blushing mess right in front of him, oh beautiful cyn. so full of everlasting fun, and full of love that can last for years. but paul, paul, paul was in his head. 

"oh and this boy, would be happy, just to love you." john sang with his full heart at this part, aggressively strumming his guitar. "but oh my, that boy, won't be happy, till he's seen you cry." john continued to sing the last few lines of the song, with his eyes brimming with tears once he set his guitar down. 

"oh johnny! i love it! i love you!" cynthia exclaimed, chasing john out of his languid thoughts about paul. he opened his arms and she threw herself into them, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed his lips, so passionately and fully. closing her eyes as she fell in love with the man all over again. 

the couple began to venture out, the fall kicking in fast as late september-early october's weather hit them like bricks. john had offered cynthia his jacket, and zipped it up for her before pulling her in for a kiss. cynthia did the same thing with john's and the couple gave themselves a fluffy eskimo kiss that caused both of their cheeks to flush a crimson red. they were so in love with each other, some people passed by and paused to stare at them with adoration as they swung their interlocked hands back and forth while striding along the sidewalk. 

"i was thinking of taking you to the theater tonight cyn, to see that new elvis movie coming out. you would like that wouldn't you?" john asked, giving cynthia's hand a squeeze as he playfully bumped their shoulders. causing cynthia to slightly stumble, but recover with a loud laugh. she had then nodded once she calmed down, pressing a gentle kiss to john's cheeks and giving his hand a squeeze in return. 

"of course. i would love that." cynthia smiled, while resting her head on john's shoulder as the couple walked happily into town. 

as they were parked in front of an ice cream parlor, while cynthia was waiting patiently in a long — john whispered in her ear that he was going to go outside to smoke. just after analyzing the non-smoking sign, possibly for the young kids that were also lined up in a line. once he stepped outside and lit his cigarette, he glanced around until he saw what he didn't want to see. paul was sitting at a table next to a hamburger shop next to the parlor, he was eating with a guy that seemed a bit too skinny for his own liking. he had a natural scowl to his face, and fangs as teeth. 

paul didn't seem to be flirting with him which was even more strange, it seemed as if they were actually talking. while the other guy was stuffing his face with a hamburger, but either way john had threw his hoodie up over his head and avoided eye contact. why did that beautiful eighteen year old boy decided to park his sweet ass here during his and cynthia's date? it couldn't get anymore awkward from here could it? 

"hey johnny, i got our ice cream- what's wrong? are you okay baby?" cynthia asked, almost motherly as she cocked her head lower to have a look at john's face. her eyebrows furrowed in worry as of why he's wearing a hood over his head, and then she looked around at everyone as if they know why the sudden change of mood happened to john. 

"i'm fine darlin' just got a bit more cold." john said, gently taking the ice cream from cynthia's hand. "lets go sit and eat, alright love?" 

cynthia agreed, thankfully without hesitation. john purposely had them sit near paul and the stranger's table. more than likely so john could eavesdrop on their conversation that looked a bit deep, only just to see if they were flirting or not. john felt a bit bad that he was basically torturing his day with cynthia by getting involved with paul, again. 

"john can't you believe that my family doesn't like you? they say you're too much of a bad boy, and that i should get myself a rich gentlemen or something. they literally had a bloke arranged for me to marry." cynthia ranted, but the sound of john's name caused paul's doe eyes to perk up from his untouched food, a food that his friend; george was gazing at as if it were a naked girl. 

"that's weird, my aunt mimi isn't very fond of you either. guess it was meant to be huh?" john laughed, and pulled cynthia into a laugh too as they licked their ice cream. john had passed cynthia a few subtle jokes that caused cynthia to playfully shove john's side. 

it was at this point, paul stood up recognizing john with a hoodie or not. and george stood behind him with his face literally planted in the hamburger. "small world isn't it? didn't know you'd come here john." paul said, with his voice a bit smug but john nor paul didn't really notice it. 

john was frozen, and he glanced at cynthia who was licking her ice cream. glancing back and forth between john to paul, her eyebrows raising silently asking if john was going to respond to the younger man. john had formed up a nervous laugh as his lungs clammed up with anxiety, he shuffled his feet around under the table as met paul's eyes. pulling his hood down since his cover was blown, after fixing his hair he began to spark up a conversation. 

"just getting ice cream." john casually said, as he held up his ice cream almost like he was offering it to paul. the tone in his voice did not rub paul the right way, and so he pressed on. 

"who's this?" paul asked, now having the arm of his friend being placed on his shoulder. as george's other hand was placed on his own hip while he leant against paul, which had made both of them look somewhat intimidating. just because paul seemed to be wearing something strangely formal, like he always does but this was black suit and tie. george was wearing something similar but without the tie, and that seemed to be quite eerie. eerie enough for cynthia to scoot closer to john, which had made his arm wrap around her waist under the table. 

"um- my.." john's throat clogged up, and his face flushed with a bright red as he said this. "girlfriend. we're out on a date." he said, the words coming out so causally but inside he felt guilt like a whole wave of guilt wash over him. 

"nice looking lady." george complimented, while he nudged paul who nodded slowly. paul's expression dropped, and his eyes turnt black like he was about to transform into something unnatural but he had only just nodded. 

"oh." he had said, before nodding his head once again. "well, nice seeing you. enjoy your day." he said cooly before motioning his head for him and george to depart. 

cynthia had then looked over at john who was seeping embarrassment. john had silently told cynthia that they should leave, and cynthia reluctantly agreed — confused with the sudden aura that melted over john's mood. 

•••

after john had told cynthia to get ready for tonight, which meant that she had about five hours of free time. john ventured off to find paul, his heart pounding fiercely in his chest as he walked into the loud club where he'd seen paul around a lot. but after checking around the place thoroughly he concluded that his paul wasn't there, so the second option was to look at stu's place.

once he did reach stuart's place, he entered without knocking and looked around urgently. eyes wide, and his heart racing as his hands were clenched into a tight shaking fist in his jacket. nobody was home weirdly, but the door was unlocked so someone had to be — and the lights were also on so that further helped john's speculations. he walked around, and entered the kitchen where he'd seen the same boy paul was with earlier. helping himself to some leftover chicken and rice, which had rendered john speechless, he never seen this boy in his life and suddenly he's in stuart's house? 

"who're you?" john asked, rather aggressively as he approached the younger boy. trapping him against the counter as he stood in his face, "and where's paul?"

"back up fore i knock every single one of ya crooked teeth out." george suddenly threatened, harshly shoving john backwards. john rolled his eyes at the boy, he was just as stubborn as paul and that made him miss him even more. if that was possible. 

"answer me." john demanded, slapping george's hand away as he approached him again. this time grabbing the front of george's shirt tightly, twisting it up in his tight fist. "now."

"why? he doesn't want to speak with you." george spat, not intimated by john's aggressiveness and he furrowed his raunchy eyebrows as he narrowed his eyes. "shouldn't you be with the bird?" 

"don't bring her into this." john said, his eyes glimmering dangerously at george which caused the younger man to cave in slightly. but he was still keen on not giving john the exact information of where paul had ran off to. 

"he went out in town, said he needed release." 

john had suddenly ended up in a alleyway he'd never thought he'd end up in. although he was known to be bisexual, the shit that went down here was far too much for him to handle. it was a cleaned up alleyway, with little opened door rooms that you could pull your lover into whenever you'd want to fuck their brains out or vice versa. john clenched his jaw and narrowed his bright eyes as he captured the beautiful sight of paul. but he was with another man. 

the man touched up all on paul's precious body, their lips colliding together sloppily. paul's back being pressed up against the back of the building, one leg lifted up against the man's pelvis. they were both thankfully clothed, but the sight still made an electrifying feeling of possessiveness cross over john's bloodline. he didn't want to become violent like last time, but he approached the two with a wicked gaze that could only mean trouble. 

john grabbed the man by his shoulders and roughly pushed him off of paul, then before paul or the man could protest; he grabbed paul by his waist and lifted him up in the air effortlessly like a baby. paul subconsciously wrapped his legs around john's waist, hooking his arms around his neck as john twirled on his heel going towards one of unoccupied rooms. the man stood behind, shouting obscenities but they both ignored him. 

once inside of the room, after the slamming of the door resounded against the walls. john threw paul onto the bed that reeked with booze and sex, but he didn't mind when john silently comforted him with those eyes. those eyes also told him to undress, and he did so which john had followed up with. both of them kicking their shoes off, and john suddenly transporting on top of paul like he was a vampire running. their lips collided thoughtfully, shamelessly as paul yanked john's jacket off of him and ripping his shirt off passionately as they kissed. 

john pulled away roughly, yanking paul's pants and boxers down his slim legs. hooking his left leg up his shoulder kissing the knee and the inner thigh, which had caused paul to quiver lightly underneath him with his breath catching in his throat. as john continued to suck on his leg, he shuffled his own pants and boxers down grasping the lube that someone had left there probably off the counter next to them, which had different irrelevant drugs also planted on it. 

paul slung his hands up and pulled john down by the hem of his white undershirt, pulling him into a kiss that they both craved. needed, and wanted all at the same time. john didn't even think of preparing paul, only having so much time so he'd have to be as gentle but as rough as he could. he had then pulled away, wrapping his hand around paul's throat as he applied lube to his member. paul gasped happily, and a smile settled on those perfect lips which john had returned. john had then suddenly pushed in carefully, groaning softly at the tightness enveloping him and drowning in the heavenly moans of paul coming from underneath him. 

he had then thrusted at a brutal speed, having the bed creak and paul's face elicited pleasure. his eyes scrunched close, and his mouth fell open as he arched his back off of the bed — during this whole time john had been drooling and sucking on paul's inner thigh. their skin clapping ruthlessly, as they started moving in sync with each other. john had took his hand off of paul's throat, and grasped at paul's hand that had been trembling for the whole ordeal. their fingers instantly interlocked, and john had pinned it beside paul's head while he slammed faster into him. 

"y-yes fuck me j-john," paul gasped, as he could barely get the sentence out. stuttering widely amongst himself as he clenched around john's shaft, which had caused a broken moan to escape the man above him. john had bent paul's legs all the way back, letting his knee hit his chest as he scooted up with a faster pace. 

"i'm sorry paul- should've told y-you." john's breath hitched as paul clenched around him again, causing him to double over, going faster to the point his balls were smacking against paul's reddened ass. 

paul shook his head, and reached his other hand up to lock his fingers in john's wild hair. his mouth falling open again, and eyes closing now presenting his long naturally thick eyelashes. "p-please, please, oh fuck," paul whimpered, before releasing onto his stomach as he stilled against john. his breathing hitching and dropping, eyes opening with tears brimming up. 

john fell slack against paul's body, thrusting in as an aftershock as he came inside of paul. shaking mildly as he tried to regain his breaths as he rested his head against paul's chest. sort of shocked that paul had wrapped both of his arms around john's head, hugging him closer as he cried silent tears. 

"i'm so scared john, i-i can't do this, i want to. but i can't. i'm-" before john could resonate what paul was saying, paul shoved the man off of him and shot upwards. grabbing at his clothing that laid on the dirty floor, he put them on quickly barely stable to do anything without sobbing uncontrollably. the sight was so confusing yet heart breaking for john. 

"do what? macca stop running away from me." john said, getting up quickly grasping his boxers and racing for paul who was about to open the door. "every time we do something, and every time i try to open you up you run away. what are you trying to say?" 

paul's teary eyes didn't meet john's, instead paul choked out something, something so important before pushing john away harshly, opening the door to run out and slamming it in john's face. it was something said that john couldn't believe. something john would need to be precisely repeated. 

"i love you."


	7. philocalist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m still trying to work out the plot of this story because it’s been quite awhile since i’ve last worked on it. gmnekrkfhr i need to work on chap 13 because i already have an idea about it. we love fake-creativeness lmskxxkffsndkc anyways, enjoy?? or not?? thanks for the feedback, it keeps me going.

paul bit his lip till it bled, knocking lightly on the door of his home. he couldn't stand being anywhere but in his onesies, and after countless knocking on george's door nobody seemed to answer. and that caused him to reluctantly head towards home, it was still daylight. he looked disheveled and fucked out, which he had been. after his somewhat confession to john he had two more men to have a good time with, but he couldn't take his mind off of john. how john had just led him on, thinking that he could may be the one only to find out john has a girlfriend. 

a fucking girlfriend, are you serious john? paul shook his head to no one in particular as the tears began to fall out his eyes again, this is what love felt like huh? that's more than likely why he didn't want to feel it. but when john ripped that guy off of him the first time, he never felt so cared for even though he was angry that he missed out on probably a good shag. the second time a guy was ripped off of him was worth it, john fucked his emotions into a bundle with each stroke and kiss. 

the door was thrown open, and paul's father opened the screen door. nearly hitting paul if he hadn't backed up in time, he captured the disheveled look on paul's face and the tears that were coming out of his eyes. for the first time in years, his father didn't look as if he wanted to kill him. to paul's surprise, he was pulled into a hug that almost sent him spiraling forwards from how weak his legs had been from the sex. 

all paul could think was..where was mike? and why was his dad embracing him? something he hadn't really done since his mother had died. jim let out a soft weep into paul's ear, and soon paul had hugged him back but still a bit on the edge. after a few minutes of embracing, jim had led paul into the dining room — still no sign of michael. maybe he was asleep, right now it didn't really matter to him. if anything it was better for him. 

"james..you need to stop this, all of this shit you have going on it's disgusting and i'm worried." his father had told him, his eyes red with tears and possible drinking. paul couldn't understand why he was suddenly so worried about what he was doing, but it didn't settle in. 

they had a conversation, one that resulted to paul getting officially kicked out of his home. his clothes were in a bag, since jim didn't let him grab his suitcase after threatening paul to get out as fast as he could. more than likely because jim had a loaded pistol of degrading words pointed directly at him, while he spat soul crushing insults at paul. but paul was used to this treatment, he didn't care whether he fired the gun of insults. paul would have returned it with doing jim a favor and ending it all, but astonishingly he thought about how much pain john would be in. 

•••

john had kissed cynthia goodbye repeatedly on her doorstep, handing her the rest of the left over snacks they've gotten from the theater before telling her that he loved her. after that, john had went home and greeted mimi, and ate some of her scrumptious dinner that she cooked having a deep rooted conversation with her. john went back out to visit stuart shortly afterwards, it was starting to rain harshly outside so he didn't think on knocking. and what he walked into was extremely unexpected.

stuart hounded off of astrid, and gathered everything he could touch to cover his nude body. along with astrid, grasping at the blanket neatly placed on the couch to cover herself up as the two panting lovers gazed at john. their faces were flushed, and john wanted to just melt into the ground just to be mopped away. well this was extraordinarily awkward, so john began to crack his signature wise jokes that could snap the tension away in a heartbeat. 

"stuart, i know this is your house. but wouldn't it be likely to keep the door locked at times like these? and wouldn't it be nice to just do it upstairs in your bedroom?" john said, holding back his laugh as he watched embarrassment flush all over stuart's face. 

"or wouldn't it be nice if you could have just knocked?" stuart countered smugly, while he furrowed his eyebrows together to properly glare over at john. john smirked, and bowed his head a little while shaking it in disappointment at the unholy mischief is his friend was getting himself into. 

john had then went into the kitchen, and once he was alone he jumped up in the air with his fist. punching the air while spinning around, before breaking out into an elvis-like dance, shuffling across the floor before pelvis thrusting forwards. he felt the sudden rush of energy when he was able to make out what the teary eyed paul had said. he told john that he loved him! and john never felt as happy as he did now, with a deep red blush forming in his cheeks as he smiled drastically hard. not only that, but he took cynthia out on their third date basically and they could barely..wait. john stopped dancing. 

oh yeah, cynthia. 

"are you..okay?" john looked up, seeing astrid clothed with a robe on. she looked debouched but in a good way, if that made sense. she had her eyes on john with a very concerned look on her face, as she just witnessed the last part of his silent celebration. 

"oh, i never felt so fucking good." john said, which sounded like sarcasm to her but he was very celebrative at the moment. astrid didn't conclude what john was so happy about, but instead she continued her way upstairs. stuart arrived into the kitchen a little bit afterwards, with his shirt unbuttoned and his pants sagged against his waist. 

"what are you so happy about? did cyn go down on you?" stuart asked, crossing his arms as he watched john gather different things around the kitchen as if he was going to fix a meal. make a buffet if stuart was lucky, but instead he made burgers while pouring out over paul, and it caused a confusing expression to weigh in on stuart's face. 

"paul said what? he loves you?" stuart asked, a bit taken back by the sudden statement. john nodded eagerly, wiping the burger grease off of his lips while he smiled gracefully. stuart thought about john and cynthia but decided to hold off on that for a little while, it was extraordinarily weird how wishy-washy john could be at times. "paul is a..he doesn't seem like-"

"i know. and that's what's more exciting about it! i'm the only person who know this." john said, completely not knowing what stuart was trying to explain. 

stuart's last blockage was bringing up cynthia, although he said he was going to hold back on it. "what about cynthia? does she know this?"

john's face froze, and his eyes sharpened as he searched for words. but he was interrupted by a hurried knock on the door, stuart ignored it — thinking that the person could wait until this conversation had ended. john sighed, the contagious and bright smile melting off of his face as he thought. when paul told him that he loved him cynthia had been totally disintegrated from his mind, and the guilt didn't take long to stir up in his stomach. 

"i don't know about cynthia, we just started dating and-" before john could finish, another knock came to the door and it caused stuart's frustration to grow more tense than it already was. he turnt on his heel and headed towards the door, with john following closely behind him which signaled that their conversation was long from being over. 

stuart wrapped his hand around the door knob, and opened the door to the sound of thunder racking the area. along with the aggressive sound of rain pouring down on the ground, and the young paul mccartney. stuart's eyes widened as he stared at paul, along with john's who let a gasp shoot out through his thin lips. the sight of paul was vaguely unexpected, although he had seen the young man earlier. but this was the longest record running of seeing paul between a few hours. 

"dad kicked me out, and george won't answer his door. so would you be a dime and let me sleep here?" paul said, a flirtatious ring present in his tone as he took a step forward. he gave no noticeable glances to john, finding it better to avoid the embarrassing confrontation that would follow up. he regretted seeing john here already, but he couldn't let stuart see that since the door was already opened. 

"no." stuart said, which had caused paul's relaxed face to harden suddenly. john glanced at stuart, wondering why he wouldn't let the pathetic soaking wet boy inside of the warm home. stuart's eyebrows furrowed even more, and he leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed as he continued. "honestly, i wanted no company tonight. you can't just live here paul." 

paul decided to be bolder with his approach, and push a few buttons since he was rejected. he took in a breath, ignoring john's concerned stare as he began to growl. "but if i sucked you off like all of those other times, you'd let me in. and precious little astrid wouldn't have to know. but i guess that's not how it works." 

stuart's face dropped, and so did john's. a sudden rush of anger pushed through john's body as he turnt towards stuart, preparing for words but instead someone else broke the tension. just to fill up the void with much more tension. astrid stood behind the two boys and her face was drained of color, when stuart whirled around it was already too late. she heard what paul had said, and she definitely wasn't happy. just to prove that, she slapped stuart hard in the face and whisked herself away to storm up the stairs. 

before stuart could chase her, he turnt to paul and scowled at him. "get the fuck out of here paul, GO! you leave too john! both of you just get the fuck out!" 

•••

"mm. i don't know john." mimi said, narrowing her eyes at paul as she crossed her arms over her chest. she wasn't too keen on having someone with the reputation of paul in her home, and it didn't sit right with her that he was already dripping on her freshly mopped floor. 

"please, his dad kicked him out. he's only eighteen mimi, he had no where else to go." john said, while he was basically going out of his way to have the pretty boy of his dreams actually sleep under the same roof as him. he couldn't believe what he was doing, someone being as delicate as paul living with him. 

"he hasn't even said a word to me." mimi said, still not changing her firm expression. her words were just as cross as she was, and she seemed as if she wasn't going to let paul in at all. 

"neither have you madame." paul spoke up, lifting his head up to show his young and debilitated face. his eyes lowered droopily as if he was going to lose his balance and stumble forwards, but he kept still. voice even, and chest out broadly. but that's what john didn't need, a smart remark. at this point mimi wouldn't even let his toe reach the doorway. 

"john tell your friend to go and find a dry bush and blanket. i'm not having another smart ass intrude my space." mimi said, pulling john inside and resting her other hand on the door knob ready to close the door. 

"mimi wai-" the door was already slammed closed, and mimi was already dragging him upstairs by his forearm as if he was a child again. all he thought of was if paul was going to be okay going about by himself on this dark and stormy night. 

•••


	8. exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since this is short, i’ll be editing the next chapter & post it later on

paul was fascinated with himself at this point. he sat up in the reeking bed, fumes of body odor and sex had been doing his nostrils no good for the past twelve hours he had been asleep. he sat up, and let his damp jacket fall down to his waist, blinking his long eyelashes for few minutes to adjust to the little light passing by the dirty window that was on the wall. covered by a raggy, dirty cloth that had a rip at the side of it. he threw his legs off of the bed, and sat up while shoving his socked up feet into his shoes. 

paul had no money, and no place to sleep nor eat at. he looked over at his bag that held all his suits and other clothes, he didn't have time to get hygiene material so that was that. paul had then got up, and grasped his bag slinging it over his shoulder before approaching the door. and once he had opened it, a fresh breeze of oxygen had hit him. 

paul had then stepped out, closing the door before setting out to walk. but it had seemed as if all the oxygen he once had left his body, and it seemed as if his brain had shutdown all in a few seconds. but he continued to stride forwards, ignoring the sudden feeling of lightheaded ness. he headed towards the neighborhood, walking around as the sun beamed down on him but the fall weather had also made it balance out. to paul it had felt cold, so cold he was surprised that it hadn't snowed. 

his droopy eyes began to blur, and he looked around almost frantically. taking in breaths, desperate breaths for his body to at least cope with until he found a place to sit. without even thinking, he found himself in a lone field near a lake, although it may have been unsanitary — he didn't care. he took off his clothing and grasped at the scented bar of soap he managed to steal before he ran out of the house. paul had slowly entered the lake, water rising to his waist as he dipped the soap and cloth into the lake. cleansing himself in the water, he took a look at the sparkling glimmer of the sun against his pale skin. 

he thought he was okay looking, passive enough to have almost hundreds of men bound onto him as if he was a magnet. paul continued to clean himself before drying himself off with his towel, afterwards he searched around in his bag to collect black dress pants and a white dress shirt. he didn't know why he loved dressing so formally, it was just something about suits that fiercely attracted him. along with a lot of men, he may say. 

once he was cleansed, paul was on his way to leaving the lone field. before the ground had met his face harshly, and his eyes began to lose their sight in an instant. at least he passed out under a shady tree. a tidal wave of exhaustion had hit him, and he was only focused on going to sleep at this point. but panic had also shot through his body, he couldn't move and his mind was spinning everywhere. 

•••

john carried cynthia on her back, the two of them laughing and cracking multiple jokes. cynthia had her legs wrapped around john's waist, arms hooked gracefully across his shoulders — careful enough to not choke her boyfriend. john had his hands firmly laches under her knees, humming a tune to her as he waltzed with her on his backside. causing her to let loose a small giggle. 

they had just got back from hitching a ride around time, greeting different tourist and foreigners. a very romantic evening unfolded, and cynthia was loving every bit of it. she loves john in a whole, and she couldn't imagine her world without him. although they met in a dirty club, and fucked their first night together she couldn't help but think that maybe it was destined to happen. she leaned into his ear and nibbled on his earlobe gently, cashing out a light gasp from john who effortlessly slung her from his backside to the front of him. 

"sneaky girl, what'd you think ya doing." john said, eyes narrowing at her like a teacher would do with a student. the sight caused cynthia to laugh, planting her hand on his flushed cheek as she pulled their lips together timelessly. each kiss released butterflies into john's stomach, and he held her closer than she already had been. 

john has continued to kiss her, the exchange growing more heated as he opened the door to mimi's house. she knew she would tell them to walk right back out if they came in like this, so he reluctantly pulled away and set cynthia down. straightening her blouse and tights for her, and cynthia had adjusted john's hair along with his jacket before patting his chest. 

john stood still, and smiled lightly as she did this. his eyes gazing down at her with a look of adoration and affection. "i love you." he suddenly said to her, catching her off guard. and the expression on her face wanted to make him cover her up in a blanket, then take her to a cottage where they could hide away from the dangerous world together. 

"i love you more john." cynthia said softly, before pressing a kiss against his lips. a kiss that he returned as he wrapped an arm around her waist, pressing their bodies closer together as their lips molded and adapted to each other sufficiently. 

until that damned phone rung, john felt as if he was on top of the world. he pulled away from cynthia with one last kiss on the nose that made her giggle, he had then walked away towards the phone and it led to cynthia straightening up the living room without anyhing else to do. john grabbed the phone off of the hook and held it to his ear, and before he could speak a shaking, panicked voice was screaming hysterically into his ear. cynthia must of heard it through the phone because she turnt her head in john's direction. 

"john it's paul! he was rushed to the hospital!" john felt his bones rattle with angst as his thick eyebrows furrowed together, he gripped the phone tightly as he swallowed down a thick clot of spit. he wearily glanced over in cynthia's direction, heart beating almost violently in his ears as he wet his lips up to reply to pete. 

"when did this happen? is he okay?" john asked, while his hand became moist and as his body began to shake at every question that passed his mind. he heard the frantic breaths pete was taking, along with the self-pep he gave to himself to get the words out of his mouth. 

"a man found him unconscious in strawberry fields. and he said that paul was in a drowsy state, he could barely walk or respond." pete explained, taking a drag of a long breath as he continued. "please just come to the hospital."

•••


	9. mellifluous.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> many things will unfold on a single trip to paris.

paul snatched his normal clothing from the male doctor that had been brought by george. he stood in his hospital gown, face flushed with embarrassment and eyes dark with rage. he felt hopeless, ignored and embarrassed at all the events that had happened for the past twenty-four hours. john hadn't even came yet, and he didn't even know why he expected to see him, he had to take care of the preciously beloved cynthia that hung by his arm every single day. 

little did he know, john did come in and only peeled the curtains of paul's hospital. his heart was beating fast as he looked at paul's sleeping body. he couldn't brace himself to even walk in to wake him up, asking him what had happened. so he had just did a U-turn and headed home, not even trying to converse with cynthia or mimi about the situation. he had only just hoped that paul would recover well, and he'd meet up with him later on. 

paul had put his clothes on, fixing his hair up before turning on his heel towards the door where george waited patiently on the other side. he thanked the doctor, and winked at him which had led a hot blush cover the doctor's cheeks. he opened the door and stood next to george who was smoking on a cigarette, back leaning against the wall beside the door he had then glanced over at paul. 

"next time take it easy." george said, blowing smoke in paul's face. which had left the older man a bit frustrated, but he hid it under the cover of one of his famous smirks. 

"whatever mate, pass me a fag won't cha." paul said, adjusting the new jacket that george had brung with him. "and maybe you could arrange somewhere for me to live." 

"where'd you sleep last night?" george asked, plucking a cigarette out of its container as the two began to walk towards the entrance of the hospital. paul took the cigarette and put it against his lips, leaning his face close towards george so that he could light up the other end of the cig. afterwards, he took a long inhale letting the nicotine take up his bloodstream as they pushed past the hospital doors. 

"a fucking ransacked shag room. it stunk like hell, had me taking a bloody bath in the river. but they let me shower here." paul complained, looking forward as the two boys strolled along the sidewalk. passing by other people, kids and stands that had freshly cooked food hooked up on display. the aroma of liverpool's liveness never ceased to make the two boys feel like they were in their prime or living. 

"that john bloke came to see you." george said, as they both entered a supermarket. paul scoffed unnaturally, and shoved his hand into his pocket as he huffed another drag before pulling it out of his mouth to exhale smoke. george did the same thing with his, and it earned them disgraceful looks from a few people who didn't smoke cigarettes. or who resented people their age to smoke cigarettes so passionately. 

"yeah? how come he ain't greet me." paul said, as they skimmed their way through the aisles. george thought about telling paul, but his eyes grazed over the cans of beans that were on the shelf. which had caused the two of them to walk over towards the cans, and george plucked several of them in his arm. 

"he didn't know what to say, clearly taken back by the sight of you." george said, with his eyes mindlessly capturing the different bean products. trying to find the brand that he loved to eat most, beans had granted george a lifetime of happiness just by its harmless existence. 

"oh. that's surprising." paul furrowed his eyebrows, taking another drag from his cigarette as he looked elsewhere. he captured sight of a rather attractive man, lonely, fishing for the right lack of meat to possibly cook for dinner. paul's eyes had lit up, and he immediately approached the man — leaving george behind on his can of beans adventure. once he was an arms reach of the man, he had gently nudged his forearm and stared intently at the handsome figure. 

"yes? who- oh- why hello there." he had starkly greeted, once his eyes locked onto the rather suggestive gaze of paul's he was completely and utterly done for. he had never seen someone so exotic looking, and so beautiful as a male. he immediately wanted to take this man home, and have long talks with him, maybe even adopt a few kids. 

"hey, i was wondering if i could treat an extraordinary man like you to something unforgettable. wouldn't you like the sound of that?" paul asked, his voice lowered in sultry as he basically pressed his body against the other man's. the other man was slightly taller, so paul had also taken the chance to shoot up a gaze at him through his long eyelashes.

"and what shall that be?"

•••

john couldn't exactly get his head together, he wondered if he'd ever figure out what his feelings are doing to him. and whether if they were harmful or harmless, but it was never exactly clear. the balance was all over the place. why couldn't paul just get out of his head? now the boy was in love with him and that didn't help. 

john walked cynthia home earlier, they had a crude farewell. cynthia was left a bit confused at john's cold attitude, as john dryly kissed her cheek and left her alone to retreat in his own home. once he opened the door, and walked inside he was greeted with a rather happy mimi. who's face was as bright as candlelight glistening in a moist cave, before john could open his mouth, mimi pressed an envelope against his chest. 

"your relatives sent you one-hundred quid john. you can do whatever you want with it. they sent it as an early birthday present." mimi said, before leaning up to peck john on his cheek before pulling away with a smile on her face. john smiled back gently, glancing down at the envelope as he took it into his hand. this was rather unexpected of them, one-hundred quid could quickly buy him a house or something else valuable. 

but as mimi walked away, an idea popped into his head. and his eyes lit up, along with a smile that spread across his face. he could use this money to travel to paris.


	10. forelsket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like in paris, the story will take a darker turn regarding paul’s father & it’s an early warning from this chap & so on

october 1st outside of a store, behind the building which was an abandoned secluded place. 

"oh! oh! oh fuck!" stuart gasped, eyes rolling back as paul sucked everything that stuart released out of him. afterwards, paul pulled away with a lingering swirl of his tongue against the head of stuart's member. he had then stood up on his feet, wiping his mouth with the back of his shirt sleeve. stuart's body was trembling, and his mind was spiraling out of control as he grasped paul his shoulders and forced him into a kiss. 

paul was taken back, eyes closing as he pressed himself against stuart. the older man running his hand through paul's jet black hair, prying his hair into his crimped fist as his tongue dangerously explored paul's mouth. stuart relished tasting his salty, yet honey sweet release on the tip of paul's tongue. it's been awhile since the two had seen each other, and it's been awhile since paul had sucked him off. it was after an argument with astrid that made him consider having paul's warmth, and more skilled mouth around his member. this time he wanted more, he wanted more than just paul's mouth. 

stuart threw him against the wall, working his way towards paul's belt. but paul rested his hand on stuart's, a sound coming from his throat that sounded like something of resistance, but stuart decided to ignore it. stuart leaned in and pressed his lips harshly against paul's, forgetting the shagging instead he rutted up against the boy. he pulled paul's pants and boxers down, and pressed him against the wall. paul had just shrugged every resisting thought off, wrapping a leg around stuart's waist as they grind in sync — heavy breaths fogging up each other's faces. stuart's hardness and friction was unbearable for paul's pleasure to keep up with, his breath hitched and his back arched. 

stuart was choking on breaths, moving faster as his lips pressed against paul's skin. and moans leaving his lips to fill up paul's reddened ear, he was left chewing on his earlobe while he breathed heavily through his nose. paul moaned softly, breaking into a pit of breathless gasps and praises as he ignored the pain of being slammed again, and again against the wall. he threw his head back, holding onto his shirt for dear life as he cried. "stuart, oh fuck, please."

"beg for me, that's it. that's it." stuart growled, moving his hips in gentle circles before thrusting against paul again. precum staining both of their skins, paul began to shake and wither under stuart's tightened grip. stuart pulled away a bit, eyes melting into paul's causing his heart to weaken a bit at the vulnerable, lust-filled look in his hazel doe-eyes. paul was a doll, and stuart was lucky enough to have him in his arms at this moment. as they both neared an unforgettable orgasm, stuart leaned in kissing both of paul's eyelids as he gave in one last shaky thrust while he came against paul. 

paul let out a halted breath, eyes catching stuart's as his eyelashes fluttered while he released against stuart. his body falling slack against the wall as he let out a trembling moan, body shaking delightfully as he emptied himself out. stuart watched silently breathing heavily through his nose, never breaking eye contact with paul as the other boy came relentlessly. he couldn't help but smirk as the warmth of the liquid drawing down his thigh, before pulling away quickly causing paul to drop to the ground.

"not a word about this." stuart said, pulling his trousers and boxers up. he glared down at paul who only smiled in return, standing up to do the same. he had then approached paul once he adjusted his belt, leaning in to peck his lips a few times. paul sighed against his lips as stuart let one peck linger into a full blown kiss, his hand reaching up to wrap around stuart's neck. stuart had then pulled away, eyes reluctantly glazing over paul's saliva coated lips and glistening hazel eyes. 

paul put on that signature smug face, eyes lowering down to stuart's lips before scanning their way back up to his eyes. "of course. nothing's different." he spoke, voice raspy from the throat fucking and the intense frottage that went on a few minutes ago. he squeezed stuart's shoulders, pulling all the way away before beginning to leave out of the alley as stuart followed closely behind. 

"took you two long enough." george rolled his eyes, lifting himself off of the building. he knew what they were up to, the intense staring and the lingering flirtatious passes that they both shared. paul and stuart, it was something about those two that was different. they were nothing alike, mostly fought, often disagreed with each other and here they are shagging behind a store. 

george wondered only occasionally what it was like to have paul. paul only offered himself to george once, but as soon as they leaned into share a kiss they both pulled away saying; "ewwww." wiping both of their mouths in the process, then it followed up with a laugh that had both of them edging near tears. after that they never tried to do anything intimate again, they both seemed like brothers from the beginning. but the experience never stopped george from staring at paul and wondering, but he couldn't picture anything further then them cuddling. hell he could barely even picturing them cuddling. 

"got caught up in a long conversation." paul said, winking at stuart who had his hands shoved in his pocket. eyes covered with those signature sunglasses, but a knowing smirk was placed on his face as he nodded towards paul. 

"a queer one." george added, earning a light shove from paul while they made their way to the cavern club. they all walked together, conversing about different things among trying to find the reason paul was rushed to the hospital from his sudden collapse. paul himself didn't know why he fainted, it was just something that just happened, but he felt fine today. maybe because he got his sex drive refilled by stuart's sadistic manhandling.

they entered the club, looking over at the stage that held an amateur group. they were doing a cover of heartbreak hotel by elvis presley himself, rocking hairstyles that had been gone out of style for their era. george whipped out a cigarette, offering one to stuart as the trio made their way towards the bar. paul somehow did not feel like looking for his next sexual encounter, if anything he was feeling rather exhausted which only happened rarely. he'd like a blowjob in return instead of giving one. 

"mine on offering up some rum?" stuart cautiously asked, while he strummed his fingers patiently against the cleansed hardwood countertop. george tapped stuart's thigh, eyes furrowing as an embarrassing expression became present in his face. 

"stu, i'm only seventeen. ain't allowed to drink yet y'know?" george asked, glancing over his shoulder, watching as the bar tender fetched the bottle of rum and placed it on the counter. 

"nobody has to know george." stuart said, while reaching up to ruffle george's hair which had caused a scowl to form on the other man's face. 

paul was barely paying attention towards his two friends. eyes melting over at different young men watching and drinking as the sound of music filtered the calm atmosphere. paul noticed that it was not as crowded as it should have been on any regular weekend, but he didn't mind either. the only trouble is that it'd be harder trying to find someone to blow him off. while george and stuart were bickering, paul felt a presence of no other enter the building. he turnt a bit in his seating, seeing a lonesome john entering through the shimmering crowd. 

paul let a warm smirk form upon his lips, turning around towards the bar tender. "baby, lend me some of that good old gin." he said, passing forward a wink towards the bar tender who only returned the action. paul bit his bottom lip as he felt his right leg shake with anticipation, hearing the few murmurs of stuart and george next to him. 

"john's here, surprised he ain't wrapped up with cynthia." stuart said, eyes glancing over towards john who looked around unknowingly as if he was searching for someone. "inseparable they are really."

george puffed his cigarette with one hand, with a glass of rum in the other as he glanced over his shoulder towards john. he had then narrowed his eyes before taking a sip, eyes creasing together a bit at the slight burn that slithered down his throat. 

"who cares?" paul asked, voice genuinely coming out more snappier than he'd like to admit. he lifted the bottle of gin up to his lips, eyes closing as he drowned himself in alcohol, enjoying the feeling of the burn shooting through his blood stream. pumping his heart wildly, and melting the strong brain cells within his brain. 

"we do of course. aye he's coming over here." george said, while glancing over at stuart who face him a knowing smile. paul rolled his eyes, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve as his eyes landed onto john's intense chocolate ones

"evening john." stuart and george greeted in unison, stuart was smiling somewhat blankly as he let the rum slosh around his glass. paul glanced over at john, eyes twinkling as he picked up his bottle again having the strong alcohol sink into his bloodstream already. 

"evening, you two wouldn't mind if i borrow paul would ya?" john asked, eyes glistening with a sign of compassion and premature happiness. paul felt attracted to it, causing him to hop down from his seat and follow john towards the middle of the club. stuart and george went ahead and ordered a few more drinks. 

"happened to the your girl? what's her name, cyn?" paul asked, feigning fake curiosity as he narrowed his eyes towards john. john's face slightly tightened at the question, but he didn't make it visible that it kind of shook him up a bit. paul had wrapped his lips around the bottle of gin again, gulping down several times until the burn began to overstimulate. 

"she's home, but i was really here to invite you to paris with me." john said, catching the rather surprised expression of paul. he went on and placed his hand on paul's shoulder, pulling him over to the side as he slightly pressed the younger boy against the wall. "saw you come in here with stu and george." 

"is that a problem? do you think i fucked them or something? and why would i want to go to paris with you, john lennon?" paul let john's name slip out of his mouth with a soft realistic purr, he lowered his eyes into a bedroom look as he looked up at john through his eyelashes. john almost ripped off paul's clothes and took him right there, but this time he was not going to let the younger boy get to him. he refused. 

"scratch the invite." john began, pressing paul more up against the wall as he pressed his body against his. "i order you to come to paris with me, and you will obey it." john said, his voice unnaturally deep than it should be which had led dozens of tremors to shoot down paul's spine. 

"what if i don't?" paul challenged, eyes glancing down at john's lips before meeting his again. john had then noticed that paul had snaked a hand down to his front, grasping his member through his jeans. john glanced down at paul's hand before glancing back up at the gentlemen, he almost lost it when he saw paul lick his lips with a smirk. john had then used a quick speed he would only use in rare moments. 

he shot his hand down grasping paul abruptly by the wrist, he had then lifted paul's hand up immediately. afterwards he pinned two of paul's hands against the wall above him which had led to the bottle of gin getting dropped on the floor, but thank God it didn't crack on impact. paul's breath hitched at john roughness, cheeks flaring in a dark blush as he leaned the back of his head against the wall. john smirked at the submission, roughly pushing paul flat back against the wall which had made paul release another naughty gasp that shot to john's member. 

"you're quite a character macca, you just keep surprising me." john leaned into whisper in paul's ear, relishing in the tremble he felt as he ran his tongue along paul's earlobe. paul had then let out a soft moan, bucking his hips towards john which had left him no friction and a whiny breath left his lips. john noticed paul's rutting and pulled away, not wanting to do something so intimate in public. "you're a needy fella."

"oh sod off." paul almost pouted, big eyes narrowing as he huffed a breath. john held in a laugh at paul's vulnerable ness, crossing his arms as he stared the younger man down. "got some clothes to pack?" he asked, while paul fidgeted around, really uncomfortable by his hard member rubbing against the front of his trousers. 

"yeah, but why me? why can't you invite stuart or someone else." paul said, voice still adorably soft and eyes still glazed with a strong passion to commit heinous sexual acts upon john lennon. 

"you'll see." john simply replied. 

•••


	11. indigence.

waters rose and splashed against the ship, the sunset glimmering against the cedar colored wood that was covering the floor of the ship. looking at the setting sun, and the distant ocean, hazel eyes glistened in tranquility and the wind blowing through dark brown hair sounded like angels singing in the young man's ear. with his arms folded, and body relaxing paul never felt so at ease with everything within his eighteen years of living. he felt like he had nothing to think about, and the gentle sound of the ocean amongst the rumbling of the cruise ship beneath the soles of his shoes sent vibrations of irreplaceable pleasure up the path of his spine. 

"beautiful isn't it?" john asked, creeping up to the side of paul and leaning over towards the balcony as he glanced over at the boy's face. slightly shocked at how different his facial features were, his young face looked even more younger and his long lashes fluttered ever so elegantly at every slowed blink paul made. paul ran his tongue over his lips that weren't even dry, then he turnt his direction of gaze over towards john before smiling peacefully. 

"absolutely, i've never seen anything so relaxing, so satisfying." paul said back softly, his face showing the vulnerability that john only saw a few times during their relationship. john couldn't help but lift his hand up so that his finger was under paul's chin, gently pulling his face towards him and paul obliged not objecting john touching him. he loved whenever someone touched him, it didn't matter who as long as it wasn't threatening. 

"you're beautiful, you know that?" john questioned gently, as if he rose his voice he would scare the younger boy away. but he knew paul was braver than that, and the scarlet blush that swayed over the normal paleness of his cheeks was an even more beautiful sight. was this man an angel that had been dropped down from heaven? certainly not, especially with how promiscuous he is. 

"it's been proved to me many times." paul just had to say that, which reminded john how fast paul could be for him. john leaned in and gave paul an eskimo kiss, which caused the younger man to snicker a bit while he playfully shoved john away from him. "you play too much lennon." paul laughed, before turning back towards the rippling sea waters that moved ever so gracefully. 

"why do you like men being rough with you paulie?" john asked the question before he was granted permission in his head, the words left out of his lips like a landslide falling from a mountain top. paul seemed to not mind the risqué question and he proceeded to stare peacefully out onto the sea. 

"dunno, makes the sex more spicy." paul chuckled before shrugging, he had then started his eyes over towards john. "it makes me feel wanted. desired. as i should feel since i won't feel loved anytime soon. plus, sex is the greatest thing known to man. you should know." he said, before pulling a cigarette out of his shirt pocket, he had then stuck it between his lips and lit it up with a match before throwing the match on the floor. he didn't want to throw waste into the ocean, he cared about the fish and was afraid to have them poisoned. 

john felt like he wasn't in the position to admit his love towards paul, especially after paul had awkwardly met cynthia. he had then remembered something paul had said, face flushing and eyes widened into golf balls as he remembered paul telling him that he loved him. 

"did i scare you son?" paul asked, blowing smoke purposely in john's direction with a dead panned expression. john immediately shook his head, face melting with any lingering expression that read astonishment. however, the younger boy didn't by it and with a flick of ash from his cigarette to the floor, paul had then smiled at him, but it was a smile that was uncertain and was pinned with embarrassment. "said too much didn't i? especially after my confession to you, but it's okay don't worry. i'm not the thirsty girlfriend to bug you about it, this is a holiday trip after all so why shoul-"

"no- no you're fine. this trip was one of the reasons. i want to talk things out with you paul. and going to paris, may i say the most romantic place in the world, would help." john said, as he stood up with his chest out and proud. a smile came across his face as he started at paul who had a rather taken back expression, those hazel eyes widening slowly, his slightly black hair flowing gracefully in the gentle breezy wind that blown against the two as john spoke. "cynthia may never understand this, she may never understand us but paul..i-i want to figure us out on this trip. that's why i asked you to come with me, and only you." 

"dämlich." paul spat as he turnt around with a crimson face, he took another drag from his cigarette and blew it out gently into the air. "this shit shouldn't be happening john, it shouldn't." he said while letting the same fear that had haunted him for days come back. "we'll both get hurt at the end."

"you don't know that. don't start making assumptions before giving it a chance macca." john took a step forward and affectionately placed his hand on paul's. john saw how tight the boy was gripping the balcony and he began to massage his hand, causing it to slowly relax as paul exhaled some more smoke. "it would get us nowhere in life if we start doing that." john added on, this time pressing himself against paul's body as he whispered in his ear. 

paul let out a shaky sigh, shaking his head as he removed himself from john. "i'm tired, tell me when we get there." he said before vanishing off, leaving john alone in his own thoughts. 

paul was a hard boy to catch but he won't give up so easily. john had then turnt around and looked at the passing seas hisself, losing himself in his emotions that he couldn't describe after his conversation with paul. 

•••

paul laid in the professionally prepared hammock that hanged from the ceiling, glancing over at john empty one. he put the cigarette back to his lips as he let one leg hang from off of the hammock, and his hand lazily almost nonchalantly placed on his crotch. it'd be an erotic position if he was wanking but for once in his life he was not in the mood for anything sexual. he felt conflicted, angsty, uncomfortable, upset, and in love. 

"burn in hell lennon." paul said aloud with no awareness that no one was there. his was voice croaky and hoarse as if he was crying, but paul's eyes were dry with tears, and more burnt with irritation to himself. paul had then heard a laugh, and a door open then in came john who looked as if he seen another ghost. 

"i would if i could mccartney." john said, leaving paul speechless for once but soon enough the younger man turnt over to his side. not facing john as he heard the older man climb into his hammock, he wished he would have stayed home all of a sudden because he couldn't take this amount of embarrassment twice in a day. 

"sorry, just having a mental war. it just came out, sorry." paul said, and this time his voice was more firm than croaky. i guess it was having its time of the month, but paul didn't mind because he heard john mumble an incoherent it's okay as a reply. paul knew it wasn't okay, so working with that state of thought he sat up and began to undo his shirt. "i could make it up to you."

"no, no, no- that won't be necessary. if it wasn't okay then i would have been more angry. plus, i'm going to get you to stop looking going for sex every time you mess up something with someone. makes you look like a rug to walk on." john said, while he turnt over towards paul who only stared at him with negative astonishment. he looked insulted, and john immediately wanted to apologize and beg the pretty lad for forgiveness. but he didn't. 

"what the fuck did you just say to me?" paul asked, as he began to get up out of his hammock. john didn't move, unmoved by paul's aggression and defensiveness. he knew he struck a nerve, and that also meant he was right. 

"didn't stutter mate." john said bluntly, eyes narrowing at paul as the younger man approached john. the older boy had then sat up, crossing his arms as he stared down at paul's sudden vacant expression. 

"what are you doing to me?" paul asked, while his voice softened a bit. john only blinked, before smirking a bit at paul which only fueled paul's temper. "oh fuck off you piece of shit. whatever you want from me you're not getting it, can't you understand? you have cynthia! she's a nice girl don't fuck her over! i don't want you, i may love you but i don't want you!" 

john's smirk faded as he let the words sink in, but at that moment he realized something else. "you're right paul. you don't want me..you need me." he said, while he began to climb out of his hammock. 

all of the anger drained out of paul's face, and soon it was replaced with a rather horrified realization. he had then backed up from john as he began to stride towards paul, his jaw seemed to be rigid with non movement. it was like he needed some type of butter to loosen his jaw up, because he couldn't speak not a single word at all. john grasped paul by the front of his shirt, pulling the younger boy towards him as he spoke in a thundering voice. "say it. say that you don't need me." 

"let me go you bastard!" paul spat, with his eyes finally overcoming theirselves with tears. john still had a grip on him, paul could have fought back if he wanted to but he knew john was right and that's why he was left gripping at john's wrist tightly. but not tight enough so that he could break john off of him, and with a smirk at that knowledge he knew he was winning. 

"say it paul, if you say it i'll let you go and i can tell the captain to turn back around. you'll be home and off spreading your legs for men who could care less about you. you'd want that huh?! is that what you want?! or is that what you need?!" john snapped, shaking the younger man aggressively as paul gasped at john's words. he felt like kicking himself when he felt his blood shoot down to his member by the words john said, paul had then closed his eyes tightly avoiding the burning gaze of john's eyes. 

"i don't need that, i want it." paul confessed, as he felt john's breath ghost over his face. causing his eyelashes to flutter as blinked the tears from his eyes away, this is the third embarrassment of the day and right now he wanted to off himself. "i want men to fuck me john! i want to go home!" 

john let out a laugh that sent shivers down paul's spine, and he flared his eyes with a fiery gaze he sent to paul. "you want me paul? do you want me? do you want me to be one of those men that spread your legs and fuck you silly, fuck you until you cry? make sure you don't walk for days?" 

"john-"

"yes or no, i need to hear you say you don't want me again. just to be sure." john gripped paul tighter, almost choking him and that's when he felt the younger boy's hard on pressed against his thigh. paul trembled under john's gaze and heat, he has never been dealt like this before. it had both terrified and aroused him, his chest tightened and his eyes widened as he stared into john's eyes. 

"seems like you already answered that." john had then let go of paul, watching as the man stood stiff on his feet and then he climbed back into the hammock. turning over to face the wall, with his back turnt towards paul who was whimpering ever so softly as he climbed into his own hammock. 

boy was this going to be a rather long trip.


	12. france.

john closed the window to the cooled room of the cruise as the captain acknowledged to him that they were in france. john rubbed his eyes, and walked over towards paul's hammock, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder to shake him a bit. paul let out a soft groan, balling up some more as he murmured something between the lines of leave me alone. john smiled a bit, before shaking paul a bit more aggressively which had led to the younger boy sitting up. he gripped the strap on his shoulder which had been connected to a bag of clothes on his backside, and packs of sandwiches, along with water bottles. 

"j-john?" paul called out groggily, rubbing his eyes as he tried to become aware of his surroundings. john gently stroked paul's arm up and down, watching as the younger man yawned softly. "where are we?" paul had then asked, blinking sleepily down at john. the older boy was in awe at how gentle and vulnerable paul had seemed, it was like he was a five year old child getting up early for school. 

but then john remembered their row from earlier and he immediately dropped the smile on his face. he stood back, watching as paul sat all the way up on his behind, staring about in wonder at where his surroundings were. 

"france. it's raining outside so you oughta get your jacket before you get sick." john said bluntly, eyes avoiding paul's innocent like gaze as john fed him information about his whereabouts. paul stepped out of the hammock, and slid on his shoes along with a long black jacket similar to john's. john waited by the doorway, staring at paul with distinct patience while the younger boy got ready. 

paul had then made sure everything he packed was situated in one of his bag's, and then he sling it across his shoulder so that it was on his back. john let out a silent exhale at paul's slowness, along with the downpour of the rain outside of the room. 

"okay, i'm ready." paul said tiredly, walking over towards john with his hands shoved into his pockets. john let his eyes follow paul's slow strides, shaking his head with shame at the other's fatigued attitude which led to paul shooting him a tired glare. 

john had then led paul towards the front of the ship, and the boys had jumped off of the small cruise. watching as the boat sailed away with steam piping from one of the chimneys, paul adjusted the beret on his head as the rain poured down aggressively onto the two boys. he was more awake now, still a bit hazy from his deep sleep and all he could do was look over at john who had been staring into the smoldering street lights. the rain dripping down his handiness face reflected light off of it, and it was beautiful to paul. 

"right, let's get a hotel room before we get more soaked out here." john said, as he began to walk with paul following aside him. only paul was too tired to keep up, so the younger lad almost shyly linked their arms together as they strolled in the busy streets of paris. paul shivered and john could hear his teeth chatter, from the cold rain seeping through our coats. "cold?" the older lad asked, eyebrow raising as he looked over towards paul's pinkish wet face. 

"a little bit." paul answered in a small voice, john had kind of felt bad. paul was really tired, and he could tell from the out of character attitude paul had towards the situation. paul shivered again as they continued walking, and his eyes were blinking ever so tiredly as the two boys walked towards an inn. they both walked in, and stood in front of the front desk not caring that they were dripping wet from the downpour happening outside. 

"are there any rooms available madame?" john asked, crossing his fingers to see if the woman knew a bit of english. thankfully, she understood and nodded her head before punching in a room number for them. paul leaned his head against john's shoulder as john signed a paper, checking both of them into the same rooms. that'd be about five quid already spent on their hotel room and it adds up with the amount of nights. after a few minutes, the lady gave john a key and off the two went towards the elevator. 

"so tired." paul mumbled, while he continued to shiver under his dripping clothes. john silently pressed the top button, and waited for the doors to open up. meanwhile paul was rubbing his eyes and yawning occasionally, with the weight of sleep bearing down on him mercilessly. john dropped his bag from off of his backside, and grabbed paul before slinging the younger boy onto his back which had caused a gasp to shoot out from in between of paul's lips. paul wrapped his arms around john's neck, doing the same for his legs as john held him up effortlessly. was he really this light? a red blush coated paul's cheeks as john bent down to pick up his bag again, carefully so that paul wouldn't slip. 

paul nuzzled his face against the crook of john's neck as he held onto him, kissing the side of john's neck as a gentle thank you. john couldn't help but to smile at the affectionate kisses, and wait a few more minutes until the elevator doors had opened with a few squeaks. he could already feel the younger lad's soft breaths heat up his neck, following up with soft snores. paul's body weight had became a bit heavier, now that he was asleep on john's back which had meant he was no longer helping the older man with his weight. paul was definitely not heavy, it didn't concern john as much because paul seemed to be a healthy weight. as he watched the numbers go up to the third floor, feeling the formation of the key in his pocket, he couldn't help but laugh a bit as paul's persistent breaths. 

once the doors opened, john walked out and looked around. he pulled out the key and glanced at the three numbers inscribed upon it, then he looked at one of the room numbers and began to follow each number as they read closer to one three-twenty one. paul squeezed john subconsciously, which had caused john to choke a bit at the sudden tight grasp paul had around his neck. it seemed as if paul had noticed john's sudden tenseness because the boy had loosened his grip while he yawned, "i'm sorry." 

"you're fine love." john coughed, and strolled down the hallway until he stopped at the right room. he had then shoved the key quickly into the keyhole, turning it towards the right until the lock went slack. john opened the door and walked inside, taking the key from the hatch as he closed the door with his foot. john had then dropped the bag, and helped paul down off of his back carefully, noticing that the boy was still half sleep. "okay darlin, we got to take these wet clothes off before you get sick." john said gently, as he captured a glance at paul's reddened bedroom eyes. he asked himself when had paul last gotten some real sleep? 

"okay." paul said, he then dropped the bag from off of his back as he threw it next to john's. afterwards he slipped off his jacket and began to unbutton his shirt, along with john who vacated towards his bag to whip out a shirt to wear to bed. however, as soon as paul got his suit jacket, tie, shoes and trousers off he collapsed onto the bed which they were sharing by the way. john put on his pajamas, and scooted paul over towards the side as he climbed into the bed. 

once john had relaxed, he felt paul cuddling up next to him. arms wrapped around his lower torso as paul laid his head on john's chest, fast asleep. john had then realized how tired he was when felt the weight of sleep finally pour down on him as hard as the rain did on the window at the other side of the room. he closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep softly sighing in tranquility as his sighs became mingled with paul's. 

•••

"if you brung me here to sleep all fucking day, i don't like it. and i'm sure we're both not gaining anything from it." paul whispered into john's ear before instinctively jumping back as john shot up. the older man ferociously rubbed his ear as overstimulated tingles of surprise ran down his spine, he had then locked eyes with a deadpanned paul mccartney. "that woke you up. now what are we doing today?" 

john stared over at paul for awhile, and let his eyes run over the perfect features on his face. his eyes glistened, blending into the sunlight that flowed through the curtains of the window. paul's eyelashes seemed to have grown or the younger man was wearing mascara but they were very prominent this morning, his lips were more than legally kissable and his skin seemed a bit impossibly tanned. john sighed softly as he reached a hand up towards paul's hair which had seemed nearly combed, and ran a hand eagerly through his hair. paul melted into the affectionate touch, and john quickly noted that down as one of paul's weaknesses. 

"you're so beautiful macca, i honestly can't comprehend this." john said, leaning forward to rest a passioned kiss against the corner of paul's mouth. relishing at how paul chased john's lips for more as he pulled away, the younger man shifted his position of being next to john to straddling his lap. john placed his hand on paul's waist, gripping it as they both leaned in for a heated kiss. their lips moving in sync, as paul gripped a handful of john's hair into his palm before tugging relentlessly. 

before it could get anymore heated, john removed paul off of him by his waist. before standing up, stretching his body while he left the younger man sexually flustered, he'd knew paul would get mad at that and it was a whole plus. 

the sun blazed throughout the streets of france, and different aromas food desserts along with breads filled the air. the two young men strolled amongst the streets, being kindly greeted by different subjects and women that passed them by. paul couldn't lie, he had never been to france before and the scenery was absolutely beautiful. his wide eyes glanced around at the livelihood, smoke from different bakery's made his insides jump with excitement and spontaneous hunger. john had a camera, and it's strap wrapped around his neck, the man had put it in use by taking different pictures of stores and food stands. 

"bonjour, you don't look like you're from here, no?" a gentlemen by the name of sebastian asked, his eyes glistened at the two handsome men as they entered his shop. paul glanced around eagerly, and immediately took forward into looking around at the different french antiques that called out for his eager attention. john stepped forward towards the countertop, and leaned against it while he rested his cheek against his palm. "no, we're from liverpool england."

"englanders?" sebastian asked, eyebrows furrowing while his head tilted towards the side. "never thought i meet one in the flesh!" he had then broke into a smile, and it made john blush a bit at the sudden infatuation. sebastian didn't look bad, he had nice curly ginger colored hair along with a decent amount of freckles upon his handsome face. his teeth were white, pearly and glimmering along with the prominent dimples that shown whenever he smiled. 

"well now you've met one, want an autograph?" john chuckled, but once sebastian retreated towards the back of his store and came back with a bottle of wine along with a pen, his smile began to dissipate. "i was just playing, you didn't have to-"

"no, no, i do want your autograph." sebastian said, while he held out the wine bottle and the pen towards john. paul crept up beside him, with his face flushed with a mind boggled expression as he faintly held onto a antique of a common blackbird. when john hesitantly signed the bottle, sebastian locked eyes with younger man, and at that moment paul couldn't help but to pass a suggestive smile towards sebastian. john sensed the sexual passes from a mile away, and he immediately shoved the bottle back towards sebastian along with the pen. 

"what'cha got there son?" john asked, glancing down at the antique paul was closely holding. paul had then snapped out of his mental conversation with sebastian and gently, almost reluctantly placed the blackbird on the countertop. 

"i saw this and immediately fell in love with it. reminds me of my mother y'know? whenever my father would allow me to see her." paul said trailing off a bit at the last part. john blinked, curious to what he had meant but he thought it would be a rather bad time to ask here. paul swallowed down hard, and his face contorted into an uncomfortable expression by the thought of his mother but he seemed to have it shoved into the cracks enough. "read it costs about a dollar, i have a dollar." 

"i'll buy it." john insisted, pulling out the wad of cash out of his pocket but paul shook his head. the younger man already placed a dollar on the counter, dragging it towards sebastian who had already rung up paul and john. sebastian put the dollar in the cash register, and passed the two men a gentle smile that caused all of john's sudden possessiveness over paul to fade a bit. 

"thanks." paul muttered, holding the small piece of antique close to him. the two walked out of the antique store with a single ding from the bell above the door, and they set their gazes towards the eiffel tower ahead. paul pretended not to see it, and looked the other direction while john locked his eyes with the back of paul's head. a smile spreaded across his face as he watched paul gaze towards a restaurant, the lad must be starving. 

"well, let's start our day out with a date." john said, while he glanced over at paul who only looked back at him. his eyes narrowed, and his emotional mask locked into his face. slowly the younger man shook his head, and formed his lips into speaking words that john instantly didn't want to hear. 

"no paul, a date. now." john said, before pulling paul's arm in the same direction he was hurrying off to. paul didn't feel like arguing at this moment, so he took a few strides along with john and sighed heavily at the turn of the moment. 

•••


	13. hypophrenia.

"romantic, isn't it?" john softly asked, leaning forward on his forearms as his glistening brown eyes synchronized with the flickering candle in the middle of the table. paul only playfully rolled his eyes at the sudden question, with a smile beginning to come across his face. "i guess so." paul hesitantly replied, not knowing what to do think of this night. he hadn't apparently realized how connected he'd been with john this evening. lifting his hand up, he began to caress the antique of the blackbird he bought at the store him and john visited earlier on in the evening. john watched as paul affectionately caressed the antique, and sighed dreamily as a result from his adoration for the younger lad. 

a waiter passed by, handsome, tight black trousers with a happy-go-lucky smile. paul did not resist looking back, taking a lingering and perverted glance at him. to add on with his hungry gazing, he ran a tongue against his lips and made a noise that resembled a purr which made john roll his eyes. after pulling his leg back, he brung it forward to kick it against paul's shin which made the other man squeak slightly. "what the fuck was that for?!" paul spat, not caring about the use of his vulgar language in such a classy restaurant. john twisted his lips to the side, fighting back a smirk at the stubborn expression on paul face. 

what does paul mccartney not get about a date? he does not supposed to gawk his big, and wondrous eyes over at other men except the man who's sitting across from him. john tapped his fingers against the table cloth, stomach growling ever so silently as he tried to conjure up words for paul's question. paul's words could cut through his skin if he was not careful, and he didn't want to risk their evening being ruined by such a petty disagreement. "i'm the only one who deserves your attention tonight." john said, his voice flowing out ever so freely like wine pouring leisurely into its wine glass, it was as if he hadn't thought longly about what to say. paul didn't seem to react to the personally thought-out sentence, he just briefly removed his hand from the antique and placed his palm on the table. 

"so, when is the food coming?" paul dismissively asked, batting his eyelashes unknowingly as he raised his other hand to swipe out a small product of dust that got into it. john twisted around a bit in his seat, shrugging whilst doing the movement as he watched paul sigh annoyedly with a smirk on his face. john's smirk began to grow bigger, until it transitioned into a full blown smile while he watched as paul gave him the finger. after a few minutes, their food was finally placed down in front of them and paul was so delighted, he passed a suggestive comment towards the same waiter that passed by earlier and the waiter giggled in return. this hadn't took a toll on john though. he refused for it to do so. 

"what's your deal with sex?" 

"think i answered this before johnny." paul replied smugly, moving the fork of macaroni and cheese towards his slightly puckered lips. john nonchalantly tilted his head to the side as he twisted his fork around in his chicken alfredo, pretending to not remember such a conversation before he feigned a confused expression by dramatically furrowing his eyebrows.

"i don't remember such a thing," john said, a high pitched voice filtered the tense vibes paul was giving off. the younger man knew why john asked this question, he was trying to direct the conversation back to his somewhat pity on paul. it aggravated him enough to have paul claw the table cloth with his other hand, and he didn't even know it. john however, noticed and began to get the nerve to lay off the subject but he couldn't. "paul i want you to be mine." john stated, while he began to slowly eat his food while observing paul's facial expressions. 

"we can't do that, for the last time." paul fiddled with his fingers, nervously chewing on the corner of the inside of his mouth. john tried to interpret his expressions, before giving up on the whole subject in general. he didn't want another rambunctious fight to conspire between them, so instead he began to set his mind on paul's personal life. "okay then, well how's your family?" the way paul's skin bristled frightened him. paul tried to inhale a deep breath, but his chest began to tighten as he rearrange his thinking process to explain himself. what should paul get on first? his mentally incapable father? his just as annoying brother? his mother? paul chewed on his bottom lip uncertainly, moving his plate away from him as the appetite dissipated from his body. 

"what the fuck kind of question is that? you condescending piece of shit." paul spat, unable to control himself as he got up and swiped the antique off of the table before he turnt around swiftly. john's breath caught in his throat, and time had seemed to freeze whence getting up to chase after the younger man. ignoring the calls of the angered frenchmen that labored inside of the restaurant, john caught up to paul rather fastly since paul did not depend on running or anything. wrapping a firm hand around his forearm, to pull the younger man back towards him he began to immediately apologize. "that's not how i meant to ask the question."

"oh fuck off john! what do you want from me? i'm here with you in this blasted place. miles away from home, i'm not fucking you. i admitted that i need you. and now since i'm not cooperating you think it's fine to just question me about my fucking family?!" paul began to shove john's body away from him, slapping at his skin roughly while he shouted all vulgar language. the amount of embarrassment piled up upon john was a little bit too much, there was no way in hell paul was going to act out in public, specifically in fucking france. 

"could you calm the fuck down?!" john spat, pulling paul back towards him with a tight hand wrapped around his wrist. every time he'd pull him in, paul would ball his fists up and pound hard enough for him to loosen his grip up on him. "no! let me fucking go you inconsiderate bag of piss!" paul basically screamed, struggling against the hold of john lennon until the older man began to maneuver his position, lifting paul up onto his shoulder which made him stumble forward a bit by the sudden weight. the surprised and innocent gasp paul made could have made him hard right then and there, but john refused. 

"put me down!" paul would scream, pounding his fists against the mid level of john's backside. john grunted, blatantly refusing to put him down until he reached the hotel they shared. his breathing was labored, and his eyes were watering from the overstimulated pain that was shooting up his backside. to keep himself from breaking, john bit down on his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood but he continued walking nonetheless. soon enough, paul would get tired of resisting and he would have the younger man opened up like a treasure box founded in the middle of the ocean. 

•••

jim mccartney. 

born july seventh, nineteen o' two. 

the young boy stared up at the paintings, eyes widened with his mouth set agape. how spontaneous they jumped out at one person, the description and the vividness dunked him into a spiral of never ending confusion. two men? naked and on top of each other, caressing each other as if they were the opposite sex. after asking his mother about it, she burnt his forearm with the bud of a cigarette. he asked his father about it instead. his father singlehandedly showed him what it was about. maybe if he verbally told him instead of physically showing him, he would have understood it better. 

he met mary mccartney in a church. jim would pour everything out to her, in every emotion possible. anger, sadness, and happiness, affection. mary would never understand his emotions, she would never understand him at all — she would always end up trying to find a way out. although, when she became pregnant with her first child; james paul mccartney. she already knew what she got herself into, regretting each and every day until the birth of their son. which unfortunately, was not a graceful day for jim mccartney however. jim stared down at the newborn, still crying ever so loudly and laying neglected which irritated the father. why did he look so pink while he cried? why did he cry so loud? 

june eighteenth nineteen-fifty two. 

after a birthday family reunion hosted at a museum, the young boy had also been aware of the painting. the two men. he stood separated from his other family members, which were gathered happy around one painting by the infamous michelangelo. paul tilted his head wondrously, the ten year old holding his hand out to place on the painting until the firm hand of his father yanked him away. body trembling, terrified that his son witnessed the same painting that put him in this permanent discomfort he had never recovered from. or maybe he hadn't had the chance. 

paul asked his mother about it, mary just told him not to think much about it. he asked his father about it, jim stood in shock, and then had slapped the young boy to the ground and dragged him into the isolated room in the attic. after ignoring his screaming cries and apologies, he turnt around and told michael to stay away from him for several days. mary tried to reach her son but jim refused her to do so, leaving the ten year old to starve for the next couple of days until june twenty eighth. releasing paul out the attic, jim wrapped his arm around ten year old and hugged him affectionately, ignoring the limp ness of his eldest child. 

grief always came after the abuse, it was something jim learned from his own father. but to him it was always affection, too much affection and not the fatherly kind. it was the affection his father would give to his mother in bed possibly, but that did not happen. if anything his mother was jealous of the affection jim's father gave him. he remembers intensely, "he should be doing that to me, not you, you little whore." paul began to fight back when he hit sixteen. jim would yell obscenities, before planning to take his son out to a baseball game with michael but paul was done with it. 

jim noticed paul was doing things with men. doing things his father had done with him when he was young. doing things he dreaded any of his boys doing. jim felt overwhelmed, wanting to kill his own son, feeling disgusted enough to cry himself to sleep every night or just end his own life. the ultimate betrayal made him hold michael close, not wanting him to become just like his brother. the last bargain for paul was hours before he kicked him out, and then came that conversation. 

"i love you son." 

"no you don't." 

"you don't understand, these things you're doing is absolutely unacceptable. i- i know what it feels like. my father-"

"i'm sorry, i can't listen to this right now. i've been through too many conversations with you, and all you do is turn around to hurt me again. i'm eighteen, i'm not going to stand with this anymore." 

jim understood that his boy was eighteen, he was grown; matured but he reeked of sex. of dirty, dirty, sex. it made the growing anger boil up inside of jim, which made the grip on his son's hand grow tighter and much more angrier, which made paul tense up in his grip. 

"you dirty boy. i'm trying to love you." 

"a bit late on that aren't you jim?" 

"i am your father, you don't talk to me like that! you fucking failure! get out! get out now!" paul's face broke from over pressure, and soon enough he began to try to remove his father's hands off of him. his breathing grew tight, much more quicker as jim stood up with his hands tightening around paul's trembling ones. "i can't believe you! what would your mother think?!" that's when the young boy snapped, quickly he ripped his hands away from jim's. swapping it into the air before smashing it against jim's cheek, which had made his father stumble down onto the floor having the table being tossed down along with his fall. 

•••

the back of paul's head collided with the headboard, which made a shock of oppressive pain shoot through his body. his mouth fell open with a tightly elicited gasp, which resulted in john's facial expression to drop almost completely. he did not mean to drop him that hard onto the bed, but his back was willing to give out from the numerous blows onto his backside. paul croaked out a single curse word in suffocated rebellion towards john, and his eyes fluttered closed for a few minutes as he tried to catch his breath. "what the fuck is wrong with you?" paul groaned, not wanting to move an inch in case his head would start pounding. 

john smirked through the pain as he somewhat limped over to the side of the bed, "you was throwing a tantrum in public, had to bring you home darlin." john had then crawled upon the bed, and glanced down at the younger lad who opened one eye to stare up at john in anger. "i fucking hate you sometimes john, if only you didn't fuck so good." paul said as he exhaled through his nose, which made him flare his nostrils adorably. 

"i'll give you a fuck if you tell me about your family." 

both of paul's eyes opened as those words slipped through john's lips, and his breathing seemed to halt for a bit as he thought about it. "okay, get some snacks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates yay, this chapter is dark i will admit. please leave your thoughts about it. this is one of the new chapters by the way, so the attitudes and writing styles may be different.  
— your obedient servant, sgtmacca.


	14. words.

— "so what, do you propose to me? are we going to get married now? what's your story." 

—"my story? i don't have one important really."

paul suddenly shoved john into the freezing cold river, it's rapid flowing stream dragging john's body over to a holder shoved against the side of the ditch. john quickly grabbed onto it, hands holding the sides of the rock with all his might as he tried to regulate his breathing. paul stood in front of him and glared down at the older man, his wide hazel eyes blaring with nonsensical annoyance. for a minute of silence that passed by paul began to speak firmly, "i didn't even get a good fuck like you promised. i at least deserve an explanation about your shitty life." john clambered himself up on top of the rock, spitting out the salt water that blocked his sense of taste buds. 

"say that again i'll pull you down here with me." john growled, as he pushed himself to the other side of the rock. as his fingers crimped up in the grass, he pulled himself upwards onto the earthly grounds before shrugging his soaked jacket off. "what the fuck is wrong with you?" john frustratedly asked, whilst trying oh so desperately to not punch paul's face in, he exhaled while standing up. passing the younger lad a glare as he ringed the water out of his jacket. 

"this is me professing my love for you, in the romantic city of france. which is grey with fog, and the fucking streetlights don't help." paul announced with his breath being mirrored with coldness of the air at the moment, while he walked forwards as john followed behind him. 

john caught up to him quick enough, grasping the younger shoulders to whisked him around so that they were facing each other. "you're purposely doing this aren't you?" john asked, voice deep and low as his brown eyes gazed into the ocean of hazel orbs that was staring back at him. paul couldn't help but to blush at how astoundingly perfect john had looked, with strands of wet hair falling down to his fade and water falling through the tips. along with the way his body heat subconsciously radiated off of his wet body, paul's eyes couldn't help but to flutter in slight pleasure from john's appearance. this was just as hard for him as it is for john, but he was never going to admit that. 

"answer me." john growled a he shook him, eliciting a hitched breath from paul. 'alright snap back into it mccartney,' paul had told himself, and then he had helplessly began shoving john away from him. 

"no. i'm just proving to you that you can't take me. you never will, nobody could. that's why i'm telling you that what you're trying to do to me is a mistake. clearly, you can't handle this." paul breathlessly said, while he furiously struggled to get out john's grip but the man was holding on too tight. 

"you're not usually like this macca." john jerked paul still, and hovered over him which seemed a bit freaky to paul since they were pretty much the same height. "you have this side to you that you push away, you think i'd hurt you like your father? do you think i would treat you like how others treat you? push you away? lock you out? i'm only trying to help you macca, because i love you. and you love me. you just don't want to accept it because you're scared."

paul made a pained grunt, bringing his fist down upon john's chest but the older man was too quick. and paul was already done for with the struggling, so john just continued. "and hitting me isn't going to work macca, i learned that on my own." 

"how am i supposed to give you what you want when you don't even tell me your past? how am i supposed to know john? i'm not the one to commit to anything. i love fucking. i live for having sex. just because you fell in love with me, doesn't mean you get to have me forever in your life. i've had hundreds of other men fall for me and i never gave them the chance." paul was just ranting out now, not knowing whether his words could cut through a person's skin, or stab them in whole. he didn't care, carelessness was his second way of escaping. "so what makes you, a boring, sappy, cheating, desperate son of a bitch any fucking different!?" paul finally ripped away from john, and spat in his direction which john dodged in a flash. 

ignoring the fresh gaping wound of hurt beginning to envelop his whole being, john decided against to let paul have the last word. "i'm not the only one that fell in love last time i checked. it takes two for two men in love to come here, it takes two to sleep in a bed of just two. it takes two for one to hurt another paul." john spoke firmly, and approached paul who stared in another direction with an angry expression on his face. "if you weren't in love with me, and if i wasn't any different from all the other blokes that fell for you. then why did you come with me?" 

"you demanded me to come with you." paul sneered, and looked over at john with the same fiery in his eyes. john wasn't phased though, with a brush of his wet auburn hair to the back by his fingers, john stood in front of the younger man and continued. "you're right i did, but by the bus stop while i was waiting for you. you still came, tired, grumpy with your bags packed and ready to go. you could not have came at all." 

paul's face began to grow vulnerable, and he darted his eyes away from john. "do you think you're the only one who's scared paul? after almost everyone that i love died on me, you came in and did something to me. we fucked, and i wasn't just hooked on the sex, i was hooked on you. i'm scared of losing you now, and you may not understand but i am." john said, as he took a glance up at the dark grey skies that hovered over the earth. 

a cold feeling of caress spread across his cold cheeks, and soon enough paul was turning john's face towards him. "john i don't even fucking trust myself, i don't even know what the fuck to do with my life. and you're right, i am not the only bloke that fell in love. i love you, but i- you have cynthia. she would be better than me. she's the one for you, i'll just turn around and hurt both of us." 

"no you wouldn't." john pressed his forehead against paul's, which made the younger man sling his arms slowly around john's neck. "paul you're smarter than you think you are." 

"no i'm not. i let my words do the fighting for me, i only hit when i feel threatened. or when someone is right." paul looked up at john through his eyelashes with teary eyes, "because what if i'm too hard on you? what if i push you all the way away until you finally just give up on me. then i'll mope around." paul continued, before pulling away from john to rest his head against the other's shoulder blade. not even caring about him getting wet, besides he wanted to warm john up anyway. 

"i love you too much to do that paul." john mumbled, pulling the younger close as he wrapped his arms around his lower torso. paul made a sound that resembled a softly muffled exhale, of course paul wanted to argue against that john had told him at the moment. he had a lot to say, but all he wanted to do is bring the other to warm place. 

•••

"thank you." paul nodded over at the cashier, before turning around towards john who sat on the windowsill in front of the big window that presented the inside of the market. after clenching the bag of gloves, and a scarf along with a coat hanging from his fore arm, paul took a lingering glance at the older beauty perched on the windowsill. john watched silently as pedestrians past by in the lightly pouring rain, paul had almost shyly walked over towards him — somewhat afraid of disturbing the peaceful glimmer upon john's face. after approaching him, paul silently and shyly held out the newly purchased dark brown coat with a blush coating his pale cheeks. 

"you bought this?" john looked over at paul, and stood up to gently swipe the coat from his hands. paul nodded gently, pressing his lips together in a tight smile while he looked down shyly at the bag. "yeah, um- it's for earlier. when i shoved you into the river stream back near the swamp." paul muttered, clearing his throat uncomfortably before glancing wearily back at the cashier who was minding his business with the next customer. 

"thanks love." john said softly, as he pulled the coat on with satisfaction by how good it had fit him. afterwards, he dug in the bag paul had held up for him and wrapped it around his neck along with the gloves. paul watched as the man got dressed, and without thinking he approached him to lean up towards his cheek to press a soft kiss against his cheek. john blinked at first, before turning his gaze over towards paul who backed away with a gentle smile he rarely showed throughout this trip. 

"you know, i'm sorry for all the words i've said to you. i run my mouth a lot y'know?" paul said, walking along side john again but this time is was on the sidewalk nearby the eiffel tower. "where are you from really? like where were you born?" he had then asked, glancing over towards john as the street lights glistened down upon him. paul thought he was absolutely gorgeous. within that deep thought he felt as if he caught a whiff of his father's anger, and as john began to tell paul about where he was born. paul couldn't help but to grow silent at the thought of his father. oh, michael. i wonder what home is like by now. has it changed at all? is everything fine? 

"my father kidnapped me apparently, i was just five y'know? he lied and said he was planning to take me out, but really he was going to kidnap me. take me somewhere else, far away from liverpool." john explained examining the decorative features aligned among the ground. "i was only five when he made me choose over him or my mother, i chose him at first. but i found myself following my mother when she walked away." 

"you was only five put in such a position." paul said, watching the kids run around so happily. so carefree and unproblematic, with laughter and high touched screams as they chased each other. "i couldn't imagine that, was he at least nice to you?"

"well i don't know, he was never around. not even when i was born really. i could never tell. my mother always told me that he abandoned me, although she did the same." john said, as he kicked a pebble before looking up at the lights glimmering down upon the two. amongst the many lights was the brightest one; the great and majestic eiffel tower. "when i got to know her, she was the most beautiful soul i've ever seemed to be with at the moment." 

paul stared at him for awhile, before taking his hand out of his pocket to grasp john's. "i'm sure she was johnny, i'm sure she was." paul said, while caressed john's with his thumb before squeezing it gently. 

•••

— "redamancy." 

— "what does that mean?" 

"come here and look at this book, it has the whole definition." john said, as he rolled over on his stomach in the bed that they shared. all the blood that had once rushed to his head from laying upside down began to slowly process downwards. paul walked over towards him and plopped down beside the bed, looking over at the book to read whatever john was talking about. "it means the act of loving the one who loves you: returned in full. so basically in short, it means john lennon and paul mccartney." 

paul blushed and playfully shoved john as he carefully took the book out of his hands. he read the word a few more times, before flipping to another page. "alexithymia, an inability to express your feelings." he read softly, while john folded his arms up to rest his head on them. paul looked up at him, watching as john stared at him with unrealistic affection. paul could have sworn his heart had skipped a beat by the sight, and a blush smoldered his cheeks even more as he began to close the book. 

"no, no...keep reading. your voice is so beautiful paul." john said, reaching one arm out to lazily open the book back up before shoving it under his head again. "it makes me feel good, just keep reading until i fall asleep please?" 

paul began to argue, furrowing his eyebrows as he sat up on his knees. "now wait a minute, you still need to fuck me which you didn't. how is that fair?"

"stop being a slutty brat for once and read the damn book."

—

a single second passed by, in which they stared at each other expectantly. until paul fell back on his bottom, and continued to read the definition of words that intrigued him. there was no way after the argument they had earlier, that they were going to get into another one. even the easily angered paul mccartney decided against one. "nepenthe; something that can make you forget grief or suffering." 

john replied with a gentle, kind of sleepy induced; "that's nice," and it made paul giggle nonetheless. john shifted a bit, now sitting up on his elbowed to take a love-filled look at paul as he read the next word. 

"pulchritude. breathtaking, heartbreaking, beauty; physical beauty." 

"misanthrope, a person who doesn't trust anyone basically." 

john laughed gently, while paul stared at one word that caught his eye rather quickly. he began to press the tips of his fingers against it, while memorizing the word completely in his head. paul began to whisper the word to himself until john pegged him to go on, in which paul reluctantly did. 

— "amaranthine. undying, immortal; eternally beautiful."


	15. quixotic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forced myself to get this done, especially on our king’s 79th birthday. happy birthday john, i hope you have a good day wherever you are.

trailing her fingers through her wet, freshly shampooed hair, cynthia bit at her bottom lip as she turnt away from the fogged up bathroom mirror. after mentally arguing with herself, she concluded that she would have to get in contact with one of john's friends to figure out where the man had ran off to. the bindings that were concentrated on her fragile nerves began to unravel, nodding to her nana who stood mopping in the hallway, cynthia disappeared into her room. 

pulling on a baby pink night gown, grasping at the phone sitting in the middle of the hallway upon the round table. the blonde haired woman sighed after another match of wrestling with her thoughts, cynthia sat cross legged on her bed with the phone sitting in between her legs. her plan was to phone stuart, and if he would not give her any needed regard of john's whereabouts then she would have to make the choice to travel over to where aunt mimi was. chancing a single swallow of anger towards her boyfriend, she called stuart's phone — getting an answer after four rings. "stuart um- it's cynthia, i was wondering if you've seen john?" her slightly trembling voice portrayed how uncomfortable she really had been, and how confused stuart must have looked through the other line. 

stuart stopped playing with his lighter, eyes twinkling in sudden awareness of his mate's disappearance. what was weird is that he hadn't seen paul around lately either, which was just as weird. usually they'd be hanging about, or paul would have his legs spread for a desperate young to middle aged man. stuart's mind briefly came across an erotic image of paul, legs spread and cheeks flushed with his lips parted, those wide innocent eyes hooded so dangerously seductive. it only took a few minutes of stuart suppressing his urge to wank himself to the thought, until he heard cynthia calling out for him, in which he quickly spoke up. "oh uh, no. haven't seen paul either really, i'll try calling him for you." 

cynthia remotely sat up, face colored into a deep and embarrassing shade of crimson red. "that won't be necessary really, i- i just miss him a lot. i haven't seen him in days." she confessed, while folding her knees up to her chest and glancing away towards her window. 

stuart let out an audible sigh, beginning to chew upon his bottom lip as he raced through his thoughts for a few moments. “you know, i’ll go and see where he’s been at for you.” 

cynthia let a nervous shiver rack up her body, nodding her head as if stuart could actually see her. after awhile since she hung up the phone, she noted that paul had also gone missing and she remembered the awkwardness that came with her meeting paul with john that one day. cynthia decided to not ponder on it for a moment, then she turnt her body to the side while pulling the covers up and over her head. 

•••

"may i have two banana milkshakes baby boy?" paul politely asked, as he straddled the stool in front of the bar counter suggestively, locking eyes with john who only rolled his brown ones in return. the bar tender, who's tagged name was collin nodded with a crimson red blush forming in his cheeks as he rushed over to the back. john kicked the fuck out of paul's shin, which made the younger squeak and lean down to massage the aching spot. "temper, temper lennon. you'll get what you want sooner or later." 

"oh sod off you whore." 

paul held in a single high pitched giggle, and moved his hand over towards john's direction. john was about to argue, until paul grabbed a handful of his shirt and locked their lips together, ever so passionately. john couldn't help but to kiss back with just as much passion, ignoring their public surroundings and if anyone was staring at them. john thought it was weird, how one minute he was punching paul in the gut and the next they were full blown making out with each other in public. half of the time it wasn't even his fault, it just sort of happened and he despised it really. 

'arguing with paul is such an out of body experience,' john had later thought to himself, watching as the younger man childishly kicked his legs off of the stool while chugging down his banana milkshake. paul could get so reckless, so angry, but he's able to get so affectionate whenever he wants to. john stared intently at paul while he sipped his fruit punch, watching as paul's hazel colored eyes glistened in the sunlight pouring in through the window of the breakfast restaurant. paul was a rare individual, and john was the lucky one to have him locked in his grasp. 

"my birthday is coming up you know." john said, as he shifted in his stool to face paul. in return, the boy smirked and turnt his gaze towards john who arched his brow at the expression on the younger's face. "what?" john asked, putting down his fruit punch, while paul just shrugged and sipped his banana shake. 

"what do you want me to do about that?" paul asked, as he set down his now empty glass of banana milkshake. afterwards, he reached over and grasped at the other banana milkshake that was sitting next to the empty cup; neglected. just like the neglected boner ingrowing in john's trousers, the older just shook his head and shrugged whilst clearing his throat. "just thought you should know." john replied, while he let his eyes wander elsewhere. 

"when is it? the ninth right? that's in a couple of days. about five." paul teasingly pondered, as he gently swayed the glass of banana flavored milkshake in his hand. after a few minutes, that had passed of paul doing mentally verbal math of john's twenty-first birthday, john finally made another move. 

"bout to find a bird to shag, i'll find you at the hotel." john purposely snickered, standing up before turning towards the doorway to walk away. maybe paul wouldn't react, or maybe he would — but right now it was john's turn to be cruel since paul is consistently taking the piss out of him. halfway towards the door, he felt a strike of something chillingly cold hit the back of his head and drawl down his backside. 

the different tables of people wooed, and laughed as john stiffly turnt around. looking down at the half empty banana milkshake splattered on the floor, then afterwards he brought his eyes up at paul who only stared deadpanned at him. john couldn't hold back the growing smirk on his face at paul's expression, my God was this man interesting. 

after stopping by their hotel room for john to shower the residue of a banana milkshake from his hair, and off his backside. paul requested softly if they could for a walk, along with a gentle apologetic kiss on the lips. 

for a minute, they walked along the crowded streets of paris. paul had casually grasped onto john’s hand, interlacing their fingers as the two looked around. in john’s mind, they appeared to look like any regular couple that had their soul purposes sorted out and organized. which was awfully, awfully inaccurate. paul began to swing his and john’s arm forward to back, singing ‘follow the yellow brick road,’ from the movie wizard of oz. john laughed softly, watching as paul skipped along the sidewalk before turning towards john with a bright smile on his young face. 

“somewhere, over the rainbow.” paul began to sing, and to john’s surprise the younger had hit all of the notes. his vibrato was seemingly pleasing, it was just a bit rushed from the frequent skipping and how lost of breath he had seem. “way up high, there’s a land that i heard of once in a lullaby.” paul continued to sing, slowing down his walking so that he was strolling side by side with john again. 

john immediately began to harmonize with him as they both sang the next line. “somewhere over the rainbow, where the skies are blue.” they sung in unison, having their hands squeezed together as paul tugged john towards him for a gentle kiss on the cheek. 

john swore paul was playing some type of trick on him with this romantic getaway, but that seemed to be quite the opposite. paul genuinely seemed relax, especially when they stopped nearby a carriage that had live horses ready to drive it. john unhesitatingly opted for him and paul to get on, the carriage driver greeted the two young men in french as they were seated in the carriage. “feel like i’m in the renaissance.” paul gingerly put in, glancing over at john as the older settled in and pulled his coat closer to him. 

“that so?” john asked, holding onto the seat as he heard the demand from the carriage driver to the horses. it was something in french, but he was sure that he said ‘move.’ and the way paul mocked him made john laugh before turning over to wrap his arms around the younger’s waist. “you’re so cute macca, whenever you aren’t a cunt to me.” john teased as he basically pushed paul down against the seat. 

“i’m never a cunt to you johnny.” paul murmured gently, caressing john’s cheek as his eyes burnt passionately into the brown ones. “i’m still unsure if you want this.” 

john quickly grasped at paul’s rather cold hand, making the younger still slightly against him. john had then pressed his lips against the palm of paul’s hand, before leaning forwards to affectionately press his lips against the full ones in front of him. paul couldn’t help but to laugh into the kiss, it wasn’t a happy laugh although, it was filled with anxious since the butterflies in his stomach seemed to flap their wings on cue. nevertheless paul kissed back, trying to meet john up with the strong hopeful feelings he harbored for himself. to his surprise they were there, he wanted john, why? he was scared that he didn’t know. 

john pulled away from paul, running his finger tips against the soft chubby cheek of the other man. paul shuddered, feeling an affectionate feeling of warmth spike up his body. “you know- i always wanted to go to one of the palaces that are here. they’re beautiful.” paul truthfully said, feeling the overwhelming need to cling onto john all of a sudden. 

john sat up, and looked up at the grey clouds hovered above them. they went well with the light orange street lights that casted a gentle lighting throughout the wet grounds of france as they traveled. for a minute of staring, adding onto an impatient kick in the side from paul, john extended forward so that his head poked out next to the carriage driver. “um- emmeńe-nous au plus beau palais? please?” john spoke his best french, which made paul snap his head in john’s direction in slight astonishment. 

the carriage driver nodded, and smiled a friendly smile towards the younger man. after a moment, he tugged at the reigns which made the horses deliver a sharp turn in return. john sat back against the seat, glancing over at paul who had a smirk playing upon his lips. “your voice changed when you spoke french.” paul noted as he sat up to drape himself against john’s body, resting his head against john’s shoulder. 

“that happens paul, just like how your voice changes when you speak in an american accent.” 

“shouldn’t americans have their own language? since they fought and made themselves an independent country? do they still have to speak after the english language.” paul casually questioned, almost innocently, as he grasped at john’s hand to feel naively upon the other’s cold fingers. the younger had then breathed his hot breath on john’s hand, before rubbing it against his cold ones as well to try and manage friction. 

“guess they’ve grown accustomed to it. i mean it was never there language, it was originally some type of native american language.” john said, smiling down at the beautiful boy that shifted his position so that the back of his head was resting on john’s lap. 

“our english is absurd.” 

“how so?” 

“get this, back in the fifteen hundreds europeans were using the thou and art. now we’re calling each other bloody fucking corruptions.” paul talked, just rambling on with every thought that came to his mind as the rumbling of the wheels against the ground soothed the both of them in a way. along with the trotting and different animalistic noises coming from the horses in the front. 

“something called generations, we come up with new words everyday you know. i’m pretty sure none of us would still be using thou and art, along with whoseth or whereith.” 

paul allowed himself to smile, and the sight of his small dimples almost made john scream aloud. “who created words anyway? and who gave them a meaning?” paul had then asked after a second, trying to force the smile to go away. 

“pretty sure shakespeare created a lot of the words we use to this day.” 

“so you’re telling me shakespeare just sat alone and wrote down thousands of english words? did he even have a life is that’s the case?” 

john couldn’t help the rising laughter coming out of his mouth, “i’m sure he had a lot of birds to keep him company, especially with how famous his stories had become.” 

paul smirked and bit at his bottom lip, the expression on his face already gave john the signal that he was about to say something inappropriate. “or he needed someone to suck that cock of his to get his imagination fuming.” 

“if that was the case, he would have more explicit stories.” john said, while he ran his fingers through the dark hair of paul who only closed his and smiled on reaction to the touch. “possibly more than he already written.” john added on, while paul squirmed in his lap as the older massaged his scalp. 

— “that’s very nasty, imagine how small shakespeare must have been.” 

—“i don’t want to imagine that at all paul.”


	16. versailles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love these two so much, not to be a narcissist but i think this is one of my favorite chapters of this story & i enjoyed writing it. it’s literally full of fluff. enjoy.

george stared at the different set of canned beans, hand wrapped tightly around the handle of the crate he was carrying and eyes narrowed with serious concentration. after subconsciously gliding his tongue against his bottom lip, his eyes darted over towards a shorter figure standing next to him. for a reason, she looked vaguely familiar but it was not george’s determination to dwell so thoughtfully on it. his eyes glanced back over towards the canned beans sitting in front of him, waiting to be picked up and paid for. george thought briefly of paul, and how the older would have rushed him to pick out something. 

“excuse me, do you know a lad with auburn hair. with um brown eyes? i remember seeing you greet him in town the other day, with a friend of yours.” the figure finally spoke up, which made george turn his gaze fully over towards her direction. for a minute, he sunk in all her familiarity and immediately thought of the bloke paul would always hang around with. 

“his name is john innit?” george said bluntly, throwing the can of beans in which he was staring at for ten minutes now into the crate. “yeah i know him, he’s a mean git he is. i don’t know him, know him but i do know him.” george said, smirking at his own idiotic mind games. “you’re cynthia aren’t you?”

cynthia’s eyes glistened, her cheeks flushing red as excitement and slight anger flashed throughout her system. “yes, i um i remember you from when me and john got ice cream that one day.” cynthia pushes strands of her hair behind her ear, smiling a friendly yet forced smile at george who only began to stride away from her which caused her to follow behind him. 

“good memory you have, although i must ask — how did you find me?” george asked, as he marched into the hot and cold cereal aisle throwing different flavored boxes of pop tarts into the crate. cynthia watched, eyebrows furrowed as she watched the man throw different boxes of pop tarts into the crate which would have also meant that george had a lot of money in his pocket. cynthia decided to throw that assumption away, and follow behind him nevertheless. “stuart- he said you were here and i decided to take no chances, basically asking everybody if they knew where john is.” 

george stopped in front of the boxes of cereal, face fixed into a serious manner. “i have no idea where the man went, and i don’t have any sources of location to point him out with. all i know is that he and my friend; paul took off somewhere.” george said, while he glanced over at cynthia who’s face scrunched up in slight confusion. for a moment there, george inwardly cringed at himself for leaking out something so somewhat confidential. george felt as if he should not of had mentioned that john went off somewhere with someone else, other than cynthia. after a strong silence, george placed a box of cereal into the crate and began to turn away from the blonde. 

cynthia grasped george’s forearm quickly, eyes reducing in their normal size as george turnt his head over to her. “tell me about paul, and how does he know john?”

george visibly cringed, and twisted his lips to the side. cynthia noticed and immediately, dropped her hand from his forearm back to her side. “i’m sorry- i just- they seem to have some sort of chemistry obviously. and it seemed more than awkward when i first met paul. i just want to know more about him.” she apologized, folding her hands to her front as she looked up at him unintentionally through her lashes. 

“he’s eighteen, from liverpool, and his first name is james. sayonara.” and with that, george darted away from cynthia, hurrying towards the back of the store without getting caught. looking around quickly, george had then grasped at the bag he brung beforehand and dumped everything he bought inside of the back pocket. afterwards, he threw the crate to the side and headed out through the employee doors where they’d pack the meat. 

cynthia didn’t even have a chance to catch up with george, until she was out of breath and watching as the young man sped off on a bike. for a moment she questioned herself, what was she thinking? why is she asking everyone john knew about his whereabouts? cynthia felt her face growing hot with embarrassment, turning away from the direction george sped off to over towards the back of building where the door was still unhinged. 

coming to a conclusion that she’d have to wait, cynthia walked back home, not even thinking to pass by stuart’s house for a checkup. however, seeing richard starkey the bar man at the local club walking amongst the sidewalk with his hands in his pocket, cynthia took another detour. 

•••

— palace of versailles 

“jesus paul, are you trying to get us in trouble?” john aggressively questioned, watching as the pale faced dark haired gentleman behind him stare downwards at the fallen candlestick which gracefully was not broken. after ignoring john’s scolding, paul picked up the candlestick and set it at the exact place it fell away from. 

“calm your tits son, we’re alright.” paul glanced over at john with a mocking glint in his eyes, and began to walk over towards the older man who stared deadpanned at him. john had just exhaled after a few seconds, turning away from paul to continue his walking down one of the golden hallways and occasionally glancing up at the glimmering chandeliers. 

after looking around for awhile, john and paul snuck away from the mass security. getting a settling experience of walking into the former queen of france’s room; marie antoinette’s, in a midst of giggles they closed the door and moved a heavy chair over to it. the yellow-golden lighting, dawned perfectly upon the leather and slightly wet jackets of both paul along with john. the different shaded ottomans placed in front of the bed, in which was against the wall and blocked away from any tourist who wanted to crawl into it. paul glanced over towards the mirror, and walked away from john who was looking around the estranged room which was miraculously big. 

the mirror, just as golden as everything else with a provided chandelier above it, presented paul gracefully. meanwhile john, breaking all rules known to man stepped over the blockage and walked over towards the small wardrobe closet beside the bed. pulling the wardrobe closet doors opened, which displayed nothing but dust and old ragged dresses. which hadn’t been worn in centuries apparently. 

“bloody marvelous it is in here, isn’t it?” john asked, before turning away from the wardrobe to glance over at paul who was also breaking the rules, pulling the drawer doors opened to seek any findings. 

“it’s absolutely beautiful.” paul replied eventually, closing the drawer and sitting down upon the chair to rest his hands upon the golden desk. a delicate shiver ran down his spine, looking at himself in the mirror which one of extreme royalty had done before. “makes me wish i was born into royalty, not in england although but here. it’s beautiful here.” paul continued, as he pulled out a glistening comb that seemed to have the estranged grey hair of the queen that had once used it. 

john climbed over the blockage again, and stood behind paul who was rummaging soundlessly in the drawer. “born here into royalty huh? well my dear, it’s not very different here. it’d be more violent.” 

paul softly chuckled, and glanced up from the opened drawer to their glimmering reflections in the mirror. “and how is that? everyone was violent in this era.” paul smiled pompously, having john roll his eyes as he went back to digging lewdly into the dresser. 

john smirked, reaching his hand up to paul to cup his cheek in his palm so that he looked back up against the mirror. afterwards, the older leaned in to whisper softly into his ear; “they would cut off that pretty little head of yours paul. right in front of everyone.” 

“oh?” paul pleasantly shivered, tightening his grip around whatever he was holding. “really, would they?” he asked, as john lips brushed against his earlobe following up with a low, ‘mhm.’ the sound sent another shiver down paul’s spine. 

after a few seconds, an erotic idea popped into paul’s head which caused him to turn around in the ancient chair he was sitting in and grasped at the lapels or john’s jacket to pull him down closer. “i want you john, let’s shag here. i want you to fuck me on this bed, in this bloody room and we’ll make a mess all over history.” paul said hotly, his breath against john’s face which made the other man groan in approval. 

john couldn’t lie and say that paul did not turn him on with those words. especially how risqué that situation would have been, amongst the fact that if they get caught they would immediately go into prison or be fined. that was what made john sweep paul up off of the chair and sit him against the dresser which made the materials that were orderly placed there become knocked over by the impact. 

john’s lips crashed hard against paul’s, and the younger immediately welcomed john. hungrily thrusting john’s jacket off of his upper body, with their lips colliding together within every second they pulled away to take in breaths. it was at this moment john realized that him and paul haven’t done it in days, possibly weeks. the last time they were this touchy, and hungry for each other was when stuart introduced them together which had to arguably be the best day of john’s life. john let his jacket fall with a thud, and so did paul’s. 

the younger was quick to act when he jerked his own shirt up and over his head, throwing it across the room so that it laid splayed across one of the many chairs that were placed in different corners. their breathing became heavier within each second, and john was relishing in all of it. after john threw off his own shirt, paul yanked him back in with his one leg warped around john’s waist and one hand on his head, with long fingers digging relentlessly into the auburn hair. john instantly gripped paul’s hips as they rutted against each other, paul being more needier than he had ever been. 

paul suddenly pulled away from john, moving the kisses to his jawline and down to his neck. the younger was too fast, and john’s legs were beginning to buckle as paul suckled hardly onto the sweet spot located on the underside of his jawline. the older began to lift paul up, and carry him over the blockage towards the bed. 

paul let out a breathless wanton gasp as his back hit the springy mattress, slightly fearing it the rusty springs of the eighteenth centuries could still be put in use. john hovered over him, his body sliding perfectly in between john’s legs and for a minute they shared a passionate kiss in which paul murmured a breathlessly incoherent; “i love you.” 

“what was that?” john nonchalantly asked against paul’s sensitive and tender skin, undoing paul’s pants. the younger stilled a bit, eyes widening in shock at his slip up but he immediately covered it up. “i said hurry up, fuck-”

john rolled his eyes, already noting that paul confessed his love for him. but paul, who would forever be stubborn will never come to terms with it any time soon. the older, began to spread paul’s legs apart as he rid him of his underwear and trousers which caused shivers to run down paul’s spine at the hot breaths that coated his erected cock. paul’s back arched, as his mouth dropped explicitly once john took him into his mouth and his hands dropped down to the back of john’s head. “oh yes,” he hissed lightly, eyes fluttering to a close. 

the fact that they were doing this in a historically important place, a place that will forever be included in history books and documents. different documentaries to add on with that, made the experience all the more arousing. the same bed where marie antoinette would lay herself down to sleep with the nicky-picky king of france. something that’s more comforting to the boys is that, they were doing this with each other. john and paul. the man gagged, and came back up for air after realizing that paul literally released in his mouth just as he just got started. “that was quick.”

“it’s- it’s been awhile- i’m sorry.” paul softly murmured, and rested his forearm against his eyes. the rare vulnerability soothed john, and the man couldn’t help but to kiss back up against his chest. rolling his tongue against the pink, erected stub, paul began to shudder underneath john’s touch. after removing paul’s arm away from his face, john kissed at the trademark droopy eyelids that made paul himself. “you’re so beautiful macca.” for the millionth time, john complimented paul’s everlasting beauty. 

this time, without a smart remark, paul began to blush and dodge the eye contact they would normally share. “thank you.” he muttered before sitting up on his elbow. paul had then rolled the two over, so that he was on top and then he pinned both of john’s arms down at either side of his head. the way bed creaked made the both of them jump out in laughter which was quickly shushed by paul. the younger got up for a bit, and went over to his jacket which laid not so far apart from the bedding. afterwards, he removed the bottle of lubricant from the coat pocket and hungrily climbed back on top of john. 

john bit his bottom lip and rested his arms behind his head, watching as paul straddled the older man. john noted the way paul’s member stood up, proud and throbbing as if he hadn’t climaxed earlier. it meant that paul was unbearably sensitive, and he could bare another orgasm which had intrigued john to the fullest. paul quickly sunk himself down onto his lubed fingers, jaw dropping as the pain did a full on strike on his lower half which made him pause along with a high pitched yelp. john immediately sat up as paul placed a hand on his arm, with his eyes tearing up on impact. 

“easy, easy love. it’s been awhile okay? be easy.” john comforted paul’s violently trembling figure, and rested his hand upon the small of his backside. paul had then closed his eyes, and tried to relax while john planted different types of kisses upon his neck. after awhile, the pain decreased and paul curled his fingers up against his prostate which made another sound leave his lips. this one was much more warm, and pleasured unlike the pained one before. 

stretching himself out, paul sat himself back against john’s lower thigh. undoing the older’s trousers with such lingering delicacy, which had made john squirm impatiently under the touch. although, this was a specifically different side of paul than he had ever seen whenever they’d shag. paul was much more needy, first rough and now delicate as if john would break if he gotten manhandled. 

wanking john off with lube coated fingers, which caused the auburn haired man to stifle some low moans. which paul had immediately fell in love with, and it gave him the idea of topping john one time, maybe one time. the image of paul spreading those legs, feeling up those thick thighs as john winded his hips against nothing from overstimulation, sent paul on a emotional trip he never thought he would see the light of being in. paul’s cock throbbed, eyes closing and head tipping as he lowered himself down upon john. 

john’s breath hitched, watching as paul skillfully rotated his hips and created some type of invisible word. the older man rested his hands upon paul’s hips, watching as paul gently bucked his hips forward to backwards as he lifted himself up and down. the way his cock would move about, precum seeping slowly from the tip was enough for john to shut everything negative out of his head. paul scratched at the side of john’s thighs, mouth dropping to let out elegant moans that raised higher in volume. 

“j-john, you feel so good-” paul whimpered, confining to twist and maneuver his waist into erotic circles. john had never seen anything so majestic, so worthy of gazing at even with his eyes growing heavy from pleasure. running his hands up from paul’s waist to his abdomen, to his chest and arms john was shamelessly wandering his hands around paul’s skin. 

“that’s it paul, fuck.” john moaned under his breath, his chest heaving as tight walls relentlessly drove him towards the edge. john began to grasp onto the wrinkled covers that slightly itched his exposed skin, possibly from how old they were; and tightened them into his fist. using that leverage, john immediately thrusted up into the younger man which had knocked off the pace paul had set before. 

paul placed his hand on john’s chest, and began to scratch at the bare skin. leaning down, paul and john shared the most affectionate kisses they’ve had all night. 

•••

“how much did this take out of your quid johnny?” the unintentional innocent tone in paul’s voice took a toll on john. the man turnt to look over towards paul, whose eyes glistened in childlike innocence. 

they were back at the hotel, which meant that the two trips took a big chunk out of john’s money. which left him without forty-five quid left, for another night in the hotel which wasn’t as much and for the next day. it was up to them if they would have enough money to pull them through the day after that, depending on whether paul would want to cooperate. 

“a lot, but it was worth it.” john turnt his body towards paul who turnt his head against the pillow, avoiding to let john see that he was blushing. john chuckled and turnt back around to what he was doing and placed the rest of his money back in the container, and shoved it back in the dresser. the man had then turned around to go over towards the bed and crawl on top of paul, to glance down at his flushed face. 

“better have been, fucking arse hurts.” 

john smiled, and leaned down to kiss paul’s forehead. “let me kiss it better.” 

— “lets do something better, let’s have cake.” 

— “as the queen once said, let us have a cake.”


	17. confessions.

"paul is a..how do i put it? he's a sociable individual. i'm pretty sure he makes a lot more 'friends' than any other person does. i only watch from a distance, but i could tell you that the boy is irresistible when it comes to attraction. just from the wave of his index finger, to sparkle in those big puppy dog eyes that could hold anyone in a trap. there's not one person that could sit and say that, they didn't have a chance with paul mccartney." richard threaded his fingers through his hair, casting a glance at cynthia who leant eagerly against the bar counter with burning interest. "i did, and i fell in love right afterwards. something about that man and what he does to you, it leaves you in a whirlwind of emotions that you're sure enough that you won't get out of."

cynthia's eyebrows furrowed, and she thought back to john for a mere second. "what's the most likely chance that he did it with everyone like you said?" 

"very. see he used to always come to pub, and he'd never leave without a man hooked up with him. sometimes i'd catch him blowing one in the back, sometimes he would be bent over with one fucking him into the floor, missionary, sixty-nine, doggy-style. the boy was fast, everyone had a taste of him." 

cynthia shuddered, her mind reminiscing the boy in the suit that was hovering over her and john. eyes glazing bright with jealousy, and john answering his questions so awkwardly. "do you know if john ever um..went with him?" 

"john's been around the pub too, and i remember one night i did see john with paul. they were cuddled up against each other, and they seemed to have been talking or something —

_paul snaked his arms up and around john's neck, crimping his long pianist-like fingers into john's hair as he pulled him in for a kiss. john delightedly complied, their mouths moving together in powerful sync as if they were longingly meant for each other. paul sighed, and maybe john was imagining it but this sigh had seem to be a sigh of tranquility, like paul had been holding up his guard for way too long. and this kiss was unlocking a hidden vulnerability, telling by how paul's tongue didn't fight for dominance as john's tongue brushed over his.  
_

— yes, yes i remember. i think you was there too, i just got a bird’s eye view with everything.” 

cynthia felt a the hairs on the back of her neck begin to rise, and her eyes widened a bit. she remembers that night, the first time she met john and it was the first time they had sex too. "oh, so they do have chemistry." she muttered to herself, while her eyebrows began to furrow. the sensation of a hard facepalm was well on its way, and she couldn't shake it off either.

"why do you ask?" richard asked, glancing around for any customers that wanted to come up and buy something. fortunately the club wasn't as packed because it was a weekday, so he had enough time to tell cynthia whatever she needed to know. 

"because it's- me and john we're dating!" cynthia began to spaz, after holding in her daily amount of aggression while she curled her hands up into fists. 

it was at this moment, george had walked in with astrid with a cigarette dangling out the corner of his mouth. astrid adjusted her bun before crossing her arms before her chest, “wow, look at this place.” she had then murmured, shaking her head as they walked past the bar. george chuckled, taking a drag of the cigarette before exhaling it. “dead grotty, isn’t it?” 

richard and cynthia turnt their gazes towards the two people that entered, and cynthia almost fell off of her seat. richard quickly went behind the whole bar, and cynthia got up to rush over towards both george and astrid. “hey! george, it’s me cyn.” she exclaimed, hurrying towards them. “oh hey cynthia.” astrid beamed, while pulling her friend in for a hug. george watched silently, and began to silently mutter a string of curse words to himself after realizing that they would have questions to answer from cynthia. 

“astrid, do you know anything about paul and john?” cynthia asked as the three approached a vacant table in the back of the club. george passed astrid a look after the question sprung out of cynthia’s mouth, afterwards he took in another drag before exhaling in another direction. astrid and cynthia both had sat down at the table, across from each other to add onto the dynamics of the conversation they were about to have. 

“i do. for starters, i genuinely don’t like paul. reasons? i’m not going to get into.” astrid suddenly had a sad look on her face, remembering how stuart would go behind her back with paul just so the lad could crash at their place. along with how stuart wanted to keep it secret from her, the paces of them making up was slow, and almost seemingly impossible to recover from that hard blow. 

george made a choked sound, and played it off with clearing his throat. “i’d rather paul be here before you guys have your gossip about my mate.” he had then said, leaning against the wall with one hand in his pocket and another to his side with the cigarette in hold. 

“well george, he’s not here. and him being here would not change the course of this conversation, i know he’s your best friend but cyn wants to know his deal with john, and i do have my suspicious about them as well.” astrid said, her voice was light but firm and the betrayal in her eyes only made the fire grow within george. 

george clenched his jaw uneasily, and lowered his eyes at astrid for a good minute. “as far as i know whatever that’s going to be said here certainly won’t matter to paul. so any confrontation won’t lead to anything.” 

cynthia gaped, scanning the annoyed expression on george’s face and the pleading one on astrid’s. soon enough the young man had suddenly flung his cigarette ashes over towards astrid’s direction, which almost simultaneously made the woman flinch away slightly as the ashes began to drop on her collarbone and shoulder. “george!” 

nonchalantly putting the cigarette back to his lips, george shook his head at astrid’s reaction and began to walk away. “i’m getting me a drink, talk your way through the night.” he said, strolling away from the two women as he headed over towards richard who was innocently staring over at their direction.

cynthia instantly leaned over and massaged astrid’s upper-arm, “i’m sorry about that. i didn’t mean to have you guys fight.” she said gently. astrid only sighed and waved her hand off in george’s direction dismissively, not even trying to explain to herself what had just happened. 

“it’s alright, we’ll talk it out afterwards. now, onto the subject of paul and john..”

•••

paul's eyes fluttered open gently, and they closed just as fast from the ray of sunlight hitting his face. he stretched out for a bit, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand and moving his body around so that he was laying on his front. after fully waking up, he sat up and arched his back as he raised his arms up to stretch even more until he felt comfortable enough. paul had then reached up to scratch his mess of hair which had seemed slightly curly, he assumed that it was possibly from the tossing and turning. 

as paul loomed his eyes around the room, the hazel orbs finally landed gracefully upon the still sleeping man turnt over on his side. paul blinked a bit, adjusting his still dizzy vision before finally gazing down at john — his hair was just as messy, in which he looked more attractive with. paul couldn't help but to move the blankets out the way, taking a closer look at how john's lips were slightly parted and his how his eyes seemed to have been fluttering gently. the way his body smoothly moved with every soft breath he took in, along with the gentle sighs and soft moaning in his sleep. paul blushed gently, hearing his heart pound fiercely in his chest at the sight of the older man. 

slowly, paul leant in and rested his lips against john's forehead — moving the extra strands of hair out of the way so his lips could reach their destination. john felt so warm, and he looked so vulnerable all curled up under the thick covers in which his pale skin had matched beautifully with the dark brown colored sheets. afterwards, the young man reluctantly crept out of the bed and began to make his way towards the bathroom to shower. 

whilst rubbing the wet cloth against his skin as the warm water gently pelted at his nakedness, paul silently thought to himself. a determined crease of his eyebrow, and how his lips were pressed down upon each other as his wet dark brown hair stuck to the side of his face. closing his eyes, he began to imagine john and how far they could to with whatever this is. paul exhaled softly into the water, and tried his best to fight off the loving thoughts haunting his brain. 

_give him a chance. _

_you lonely fucking sap, this is your only opportunity, take it, take it, take it. _

_no wait, what if you mess up? _

_what if you hurt him with your antics? _

_you already fell in too deep, and you figure that you could keep such a rare dime like john lennon with your history? _

_are you even ready for fucking commitment? after having men fuck all the holes you could have in your body? _

paul placed his hand on the bathroom wall, fighting back the anxiousness and the angst of thoughts running through his thoughts like a train. paul shuddered under the water, all of a sudden he was extremely cold and his body was rigid with whatever decision he was formulating. 

_you'll never know until you try paul. _

paul closed his eyes tighter, biting down on his bottom lip hard enough to actually draw blood. he gasped gently as his teeth smoothly cut through the skin, and pressed his finger tips against the small slit. ‘i’m right you know, i’m stronger than this, and i’ll really never know until i try.’ with that, a smile spread across his face and his breathing began to somewhat clear up. 

paul could try, he could try this out, he’s never one to not try. throwing all his insecurities into the trash can, he began to turn the water off and step out. afterwards, he threw on his robe and ran into the room seeing john standing up at the side of the bed trying to knock the consciousness of sleep out of his system. paul jumped onto him, and wrapped his arms around his neck which sent john into a shock as they both tumbled back into the bed. 

john confusingly laughed, holding onto the younger man as paul kissed all over his face. “for once you wake up happy.” 

paul pulled away with a bright, transcending smile on his face that made john’s heart stop, his face was still seemingly wet from the water still dripping from his hair. “i love you johnny.” the sun glistening in his face, making the droplets of water shine against his pale skin like crystals, made the words all the more powerful. john’s eyes gently widened, and suddenly he felt as if he could fly from the departure of such affectionate words leaving the mouth of the most stubborn man in the world. 

“who are you and what did you do to macca?” 

paul sat up, so that he was straddling john and began to laugh with a gentle tinge of nervousness in his voice. “i- i kind of realized that i love you.” 

—

paul jolted, eyes blinking viscously while he glanced around his surroundings. he was on a balcony of a fairy, the waters and the beaming sun melting down on him frightened him slightly. how the hell did he seem to ponder off so vividly? paul grunted something german to himself and got rid of the cigarette, throwing it into the trash before going back inside of the main room where john was playing an intense game of chess with a french native. paul stopped by to look at them, staring so intently that it caught john’s eye but he immediately broke his gaze away and speed walked to the snack stand.

after plucking out a bag of barbecued flavor sunflower seeds, and paying for it, paul turnt back towards one of the opened doors that led to the balconies. the plan was spending the remainder of the vacation on the fairy, with not as much money left by and since the ninth was right around the corner within — tomorrow. the last two days weren’t nothing but getting questioned by the staff that worked at the palace, and being interrogated with explicit questions. 

“why were there cum-stains on the sheets?” the translator asked the boys, which had caused john and paul to look at each other with hidden smiles. paul almost made them lose everything from blushing relentlessly at the thought of the night of them having three rounds of sex on the same bed marie antoinette slept in. and then how they snuck out, with paul slightly limping which made them slow down their escape from the cursed palace. 

paul sighed, and dribbled the sunflower seeds inside of his cupped hands while he tried to control his breathing. especially since john had his hand protectively placed upon paul’s upper-back which the older man had noticed was heaving up and down. “seasick aren’t you, paul?” 

‘no, just in love with you but scared out of my mind because i’m a failure at commitment and i don’t want to lose you at all haha lmao lol!’ paul wanted to answer back, but his mouth was rigid and he couldn’t move it at all. his eyes suddenly widened, as he arched over the balcony and let out everything that was once in his mind, now coming out of his mouth. not verbally although, it was more like painful with a nauseating smell which had meant he was throwing up. john graciously backed up, eyes glistening with dreadful concern as paul heaved and wheezed violently. 

“jesus paul- come on, let’s go sit down.” 

“no, i’m fine. 

john made an annoyed grumbling noise, and before paul could figure out what he was saying — he was roughly risked off of the balcony and he was sat down into a seat. john got a napkin, dapping it almost motherly against the corner of paul’s mouth with his face deadpanned with concentration. paul watched, face flushed and blank with astonishment before shoving john away from him roughly. “fuck off you cunt! i said i was fine, you’re not my mum.” he spat, snatching the napkin away as his eyes began to become bleary. 

“what the fuck is up with you today? yesterday and the day before that you were fine. it’s like you pick and choose which days you want to act like a bloody prick, i’m not having it macca.” john said, giving paul a grimy stare that pelted at paul’s heart, before walking away from him. paul couldn’t stop himself from shouting john’s name even if he wanted to, and that made a prickle or anxiety clamber up his spine. 

john just ignored him, snatching a drink away from the bar tender as he walked away from the younger man. paul began to tremble, and the tears poured through his hazel eyes while he grasped his hand with the other, holding it down so that it would stop shaking. “lower your hand paul, you can’t let him see it shaking when you confess.” paul muttered tearfully to himself, sniffling before turning towards the table to try and get out all the tears of joy, confusion and self anger out his system. 

•••

paul made sure the last of his and john’s bags were packed in the small room they purchased, it was way different from the ship they got on when they went to paris. paul turnt his gaze over towards the time, reading that it was almost twelve at midnight — october ninth ninety-sixty. his breath hitched, and his hands began to shake again as he placed the bag onto his backside. paul had then glanced down, and knelt down to pick up the bag of john’s stuff then go out to meet him in the balcony. 

after their little argument, john hadn’t made the effort to talk to the younger man all day. avoiding him by playing hours of chess with others people, it didn’t make paul mind at all because to him that’s what he deserved. paul relaxed himself, and began to walk out towards the balcony john was resting at to gaze up at the full moon above the miniature cruise ship. paul walked towards john, and parted his lips to let out a shaky; “hi.” 

john looked over his shoulder, over towards paul and stared at him expectantly. “what is it macca? what more do you want? to laugh in my face and prove to me that this trip was nothing but a waste? that it didn’t make anything unfold between us like i thought it did?” the hurt was extremely evident in john’s voice, and that hit the core of paul heart. 

paul shook his head slowly, “no, i just came to say. thank you. and- and you helped me with a lot things, believe it or not. i enjoyed this trip, really, i did.” paul began to say, while the tears of being overjoyed began to trip up on him. john noticed the teary glisten in his eyes, and began to turn his whole body towards paul who trembled with all emotions one could control. “what are you trying to say? why are you crying?”

paul’s breath began to hitch, and he dropped the bags before walking towards john. “i need you john, i love you, i-i love you so much.” paul said this, gagging on his emotions through the second time he confessed. john looked at paul, eyes widened and his as the wind breezed through the area he couldn’t keep himself from wrapping his arms around paul’s waist. “you fucking won lennon, you won me.” paul spat, before crashing their lips together passionately as the clock ticked onto twelve o’clock in the morning. 

john in shock didn’t kiss back at first, but when he did he picked the younger up and swung him around. john pulled away with his face just as brightened, happy and energetic as paul’s who just laughed into the night. “i won! i won! i won!” john shouted, which echoed through the night. “i just won over paul mccartney! he’s my bloody boyfriend now!” john exclaimed loudly, holding onto his lover as different laughter and onlookers gazed at them happily.

paul laughed so freely which made john’s chest fill up with newly found pride. the younger began to giggle throwing his arms around john’s neck as the older screamed out again. “fucking shut up you twat!” he giggled, and leaned into kiss john’s mouth closed. 

•••

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy chap ain’t it? this won’t last for long though, i’m sorry i’m evil. just know that you might want to kill john.


	18. unbriferous

"paul."

"what?"

"i'm bored." 

paul, whom was rolled up in a sheet cocoon with his face presentable opened his wide eyes to look at john across the hotel room they are sharing back in nitty-gritty liverpool. the young man seemingly caught the livelihood sometimes-deadly virus of influenza, and john was a bit upset that their first day back in town had to result to new boyfriend coming down with an annoying illness. nevertheless john nestled paul in anyway he could, and fed him different medicines prescribed by doctors. 

"too bad." paul tiredly mumbled, inhaling a bit just to wince at the tightened cramp that shot up his chest. "wish i could do something about that johnny, i really do." the genuine sincerity in paul's hoarse and low voice kind of made john's stomach twist in immediate pity for the younger man. 

john turnt around in the chair in front of the desk at the corner of the room, facing the cocoon wrapped mccartney boy. "do you need anything love?" 

"cock."

john couldn't help himself, laughing gently as he leant against the chair. "lets be realistic." 

paul let out an audible grunt as he shifted a bit, face glistening with sweat although his body felt as cold as ice. surely, to himself, he felt as if he was going to die from this disastrous virus eating him up. or maybe that was him being overdramatic, the thing is that he hadn't been sick in awhile and this sudden flu virus caught him completely by surprise. "think i got pneumonia john." paul sighed, taking in another deep breath to see if his chest would cramp up again. 

"i'm sure that's not the case either, maybe you just need to go to sleep." john said, getting up off of his chair to walk over towards the sick man laying in the bed. slowly, he crawled into the small bed and wrapped his arm around paul's waist to pull him closer towards his own body. paul keenly curled himself up against john, and rested his head on the crook of his neck, not even caring whether he's get the man sick or not. 

"you're burning up macca, we got to take one of the covers off." john carefully said, grabbing at the covers before unwrapping from around paul's shivering body. however, paul grasped onto the covers and began to stubbornly roll it back around his own body which made john exhale. "you already have a fever you know? i don't want you to get sicker."

"i'm too cold." paul batted his eyelashes up at john shamelessly in plea as his muffled voice spoke up. john immediately turnt his gaze away from paul and looked towards the small television that was turnt off instead. the younger man could easily get what he wanted from the bat of his eyelash, and john despised it, somewhat jealous of paul's natural beauty that he withheld so effortlessly. 

the way he could just wake up and be so fucking gorgeous always made john question the man's existence. how lucky was john? after succumbing bad arguments, and fights which had led to the two finally dropping their guards and being together. the only lingering question was; how long could john make this last? will paul ever become bored of him and possibly end up...

john threw that ridiculous question out of his head, trying to fight down all the insecurities. what was he thinking? after all the verbal denials towards paul, and how he would tell them that paul was smart enough to not go down that route, he was just now feeling insecure? worrying that paul may be right? john's chest tightened, as he erased all the lingering thoughts from his head and turnt towards paul again to wrap his arms tighter around his waist.

"i'll warm you up." john said, leaning in to kiss at the younger's forehead while squeezing him tight. paul disengaged his arms from inside of cocoon he made himself and wrapped them around john's torse, the sudden embrace made john jump at how hot paul was against his own skin. "ah, my poor princess." john subconsciously said, and he didn't even see the fist blowing into his ribs only seconds afterwards. 

"what was that for?!"

"who do you think you are calling me princess? don't make me kill you." 

•••

"johnny?" 

john leaned forwards to turn down the television, glancing back at paul who was sat up in the bed. the sight of his disheveled body made john laugh gently to himself, the man's face was flushed and his hair was a genuine mess. the pajama suit john bought him was purposely oversized to make it hang loosely around his slightly frail body due to throwing up, and less eating from the illness. nevertheless, paul looked absolutely adorable and amazing as ever. “what is it, love?”

"what are you going to tell cynthia?" paul asked, the tone of fear was evident in his voice and it made john immediately concern. to tell you the truth, john hadn't really thought about that yet and all he wanted to do is just take care of paul until he felt better, not his actual scheme to break up with cynthia.

"i'll tell her that it would be best to stay friends." 

paul nodded slowly, and sniffed adorably which caused his nose to scrunch up as if he was a bunny. john bit his lip and couldn't help but to blush at the image of his boyfriend, how vulnerable he had seemed at the moment was almost sinful. john slowly turnt back towards the television and turnt the volume up, watching the soap opera that he was mentally laughing at. paul got up off of the bed, swaying a bit from the lack of standing he had did all day, afterwards the young man rushed into the bathroom. 

john suddenly looked towards the bathroom after hearing the sounds of vomiting and moans of agony. suddenly a bright, and somewhat drastic idea fluttered into his head which made a smile stretch across his face as paul vomited out his guts into the toilet. 

•••

mimi stood, eyes widened and genuinely perplexed at the unprepared sighting of her nephew. of course he had to bring that rotten scoundrel paul, but since mimi had missed john a lot she dismissed the sight of the obviously sick man and pulled him in for a hug. john hugged back, quickly and hurriedly while repeatedly glancing around the neighborhood for anyone familiar. "hey mimi, i missed you so much."

"i missed you. how was france?" she asked, pulling away from the boy with her eyes glistening in genuine affection. paul couldn't help but to smile at that, before shooting his gaze down to the ground and unnecessarily observing the different pebbles on the doorstep. 

"beautiful, the most wonderful time i've ever had." john softly said as he glanced over knowingly at paul, who as well lifted his head up to smile bashfully at the older man. 

mimi caught the spontaneous gazes, but decided to brush it off for later on; "it's chilly out here, would you two like to come inside?" she asked, somewhat knowing that john and paul seemed to have gotten closer from whatever happened during that france trip. as mentally noted, she watched fondly at how john and paul held each other's hands as they walked inside of the house, maybe they worked out whatever they had going on beforehand. a she knew is that paul was a rude git when they first met. 

"mimi, paul's got the flu. do you have the same garlic thing you used on me when i was little?" john asked, as the two sat on the couch. paul exhaled through his nose and ran a hand through his hair, hiccuping before clasping his palm over his mouth in case he was going to spill all over the living room floor. 

"yes, it's wrapped up in the medicine cabinet. he could rest here until he feels better, i'll always have room for someone who's ill." mimi said, and she meant that with all her heart too. the genuine smile on john's face was something she hadn't seen since julia had died tragically, and it almost made her cry real tears. john whispered something to paul, in which the younger lad had responded with a silent nod, and then john got up to go over to the stairs to retrieve the medicine. 

paul had then turnt around, facing mimi who stared longingly in the direction john went to. "sorry for being a stuck-up bitch when we first met, it was just one of those days y'know?" paul coughed out, leaning back against the couch while staring down at his shaking hands. 

the vulgar language made mimi immediately snap her head in paul's direction. no one, literally no one had ever talked to mimi smith of liverpool liked that all, and it really shocked her at how casual this particular boy was to her. "i don't hold grudges, as long as you don't make too much of a hassle with me. i heard a lot about you mccartney."

paul's face hardened, "everyone has, what goes around mrs smith? is that i'm a whore? a good for nothing cum dumpste-"

"yes, to be truthful."

paul stared at her silently for half of a long minute. mimi stared back with her gaze just as intense as paul's, which had lasted more than forty-five seconds before paul began to laugh. "oh, well that's over now really. i'm with john now. i expect it to all be over, i really love him." 

"he can't change you. you can only change yourself, and if you hurt my nephew i swear." 

paul bit down on his bottom lip, and drew invisible circles into the couch pillows. "i already had that conversation with myself, how i'd be so upset if i ever hurt john y'know? we argued a lot about it, during the france trip we would fight about how he probably did not want this. if i was ready for commitment." 

mimi stood silent, watching as the sickly pale man spoke so earnestly about john. how his eyes glistened with passionate determination, and how soft his voice had become while he reminisced about their times in paris. "i need him, i love him really, i realized that while we about to leave. and i came to terms that none of us would break that thought at all, plus denial really makes you sick in the stummy."

"stomach." mimi corrected, smiling fondly at the boy who only coughed and waved her off playfully.

paul had shook his head, "stummy." 

"you know," mimi began, not even thinking on correcting paul again. "john already has a girlfriend, in which i already don't approve of, so whatever you guys are doing needs to be organized and john needs to break it off with cynthia."

paul nodded with a tinge of uncertainty in his expression, and just as how mimi is she immediately jotted the expression down in her mental notes. "yeah? i talked to him about it, he said that he's going to tell her that they'd be better off as friends." paul said, as if he was trying to reassure himself than mimi smith who stood unmoved.

"i'm back, come on macca, you can lay in my bed. let's get you better." john rushed into the living room, medication in hand and his other hand reached out for paul to grasp. paul indeed grabbed his hand, using it as leverage of lifting himself up off of the couch and followed john down the foyer towards the stairway. 

•••

george had seen enough, with a hood over his head and his body perched up on a bicycle. paul and john were back? george watched closely as mimi let the two boys inside, closing the door routinely after they were all filed into the house. after blinking for a couple of times, george had then turnt around on his bike and sped down the street towards stuart's house. hopefully, just hopefully cynthia's nosy ass wasn't there with astrid gossiping by her side. 

george noticed that paul was visibly ill, just by the way he was shuffling nauseously as john and mimi greeted each other. maybe he'd stop by and say hi to his good friend later, probably bring him over some medic-.. george had suddenly realized something that almost made him crash into a dumpster. john and paul were back from their sudden disappearance to france more than likely, especially after paul's ranting about how john wanted to take him to paris after their meet up that club they went to the other day. 

after adjusting his bicycle, george began to ride again this time pedaling fiercely as he continued to think. there was so many puzzle pieces, and george wanted to put them together on his own with a little help from his friends. once he was parked in front of stuart's home, george got off of the bike and walked towards the front door slightly out of breath before stepping up the two steps. george knocked repetitively against the door, and waited impatiently for him to open up the door. 

stuart eventually appeared, with his eyebrows frustratedly furrowed and a red face. "thought you was the police. come inside." he said, while watching george enter the house and immediately sit down on the couch in the living room. stuart closed the door, a vacant expression as he watched george inhale deeply before exhaling trying to ease himself from the biking. 

_"john and paul are back.” _


	19. vacant.

john hurriedly reached over to his side, flicking on the lamp as the side of paul's head rested on his thighs, facing the window beside the bed frame. shakily exhaling, the auburn haired man glanced down at paul who's eyes were still opened, it seemed to john as if he was staring and distracted by the setting sun. john shifted a bit, eyes glued on paul's stilled facial expressions, for a second he'd thought the boy would be dead until paul fluttered his eyes. 

john relaxed, and ran a hand through the display of dark brown hair. "thought you were dead for a second, how did you do that?" 

paul softly smiled, but he didn't reply for a bit as he purred exquisitely at the gentle touch, snuggling half of his face into john's pillow-thick thighs. paul fell in love with them quickly. "was just sleeping. sometimes my eyes don't close really." paul replied, lazily draping arm arm over john's leg. 

john furrowed his eyebrows, questioning the younger's existence once more. still his fingers massaged paul's scalp, silent for the following time being as he retraced himself back to his lingering thoughts of cynthia powell. a startled bone rattling feeling of uncertainty racked his body, in his head he practiced all the outcomes of what could happen if she found out — him, and paul — john wanted to break up. cynthia has been good to him, patient for their time of being together, and loyal. very loyal. 

paul closed his eyes, squeezing john's leg as he hooked his own leg over john's. "you're thinking."

"everyone thinks." 

paul had then smiled again, but this time it was knowingly. "but you're thinking loudly." 

john was quiet for a minute, trying to summon up words for his thoughts. something was stopping him, it was him not knowing the reaction of others. especially paul's. although the younger had seemed truculent, john assumed that there was always a short fuse that could be sparked with just a single slip of his words. john looked down this time, seeing paul's hazel doe eyes locked onto him, a sense of wonderment clouding the beauty's gaze. john was suddenly reminded of how lucky he is. 

paul stared glazed at him for a few seconds, this caused a ripening assumption that paul was reading his mind. analyzing all of the uncertain thoughts john had racing around the racetrack of anxiety. john tensed up as paul finally blinked, "what was your father like?" 

this was a question that caught john all the way off guard. “i told you in paris “ 

paul shook his head. “you told me about how your father kidnapped you at five and made you choose which parent you wanted to live your life with.” paul lifted his cheek up off of john’s thigh, and shifted his body so that he was sitting up in between john’s legs, facing him. paul stared at him fondly, genuinely madly in love with the older man in front of him, “i’m asking you now, what was your mother like? what did she do for a living?” 

john darted his eyes away stubbornly, feeling as if he was picked to talk up in a classroom. for an awkward forty-five seconds of silence, paul exhaled tiredly and leaned forward, silently pestering him on by poking the man’s stomach. “c’mon johnny, talk to me. i told you about my father, i want to know about your mother.” 

after a few more tension filled seconds, john had reluctantly turned his gaze back towards paul, muttering an incoherent. “i don’t know.” 

paul tilted his head to the side, and let his eyes bore into john’s forehead. john hesitantly looked back into paul’s eyes, watching the swimming pools of hazel-with green flecks glisten gently into john’s brown ones. it seemed as if almost on cue, the sunset beamed against paul’s milky smooth skin. “what do you know? or what could you remember of her?” 

john felt himself being hypnotized, and it was as if paul was doing his on purpose. “i remember her not being around much. and when so, she would always make everything fun, so free. she was not a bad mother, i have siblings to prove that.” 

paul’s face lit up, “you have siblings?!” it was as if the flu that paul had went away, and he was basically bounding on john trying to get more information out of him. “why haven’t you told me before in paris?” 

“i didn’t find my life too important.” john simply replied, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders while staring down at his own lap. 

paul was about to say something, but as soon as his lips were parted both of them heard mimi’s voice from downstairs. “john! stuart and george are here!” 

the blood drained from john’s face. stuart and george equals, cynthia powell will be making her appearance soon. which means that john needed to gather himself more quickly to admit to her that he had an affair with paul behind her back, took him to paris, and they’re now dating. paul however was already off of the bed, heading over towards the door which made john bolt over towards him and grasp at the younger’s waist. “wait, wait, i need to talk to them real quick before they could see you here.” john had then skimmed paul’s attire, “in my clothes.” 

paul’s eyebrows furrowed, then that look of being offended slowly began to shelter his expression once again. “you want to hide me?” paul softly asked, in a voice that john had never heard before and it made his heart ball itself up into ball, ready to be thrown into the trash. 

“no, no that’s not what i meant macc-”

“john!” stuart’s voice echoed, and two pairs of footsteps were making their way towards the stairwell. 

john’s anxiety was speeding down the railway, causing him to barely swallow down the bundle of uncertainty in his throat. “see they think that i’m still with cynthia, and i don’t want them to tell her that we’re together. i’d rather me tell her.” 

paul was still unmoved, face still resembling a hurt expression that john so immediately wanted to kiss off. “what difference would it make?”

the pair of footsteps towards his room got closer, and john began to spaz. “a lot. it would make a huge difference because it would be less drama. now can you um get in the closet?” john was basically pushing the sick younger man towards the closet. 

paul slapped his hands away, going towards the closet and trying to chase away those lingering thoughts of doubt in his mind. he closed the door, chest tightening and ears burning with assumptions, trying not to assume that john just did not want them to let cynthia know at all so that he could still be with her. paul felt his stomach do a flip, which alarmed himself that he would possibly be having another nauseous episode. 

george slung the door opened, walking inside of the bedroom as john backed away from his closet. stuart followed closely behind him, arms crossed and eyes wide, observing, most of all they were suspicious. george sniffed around, which made john whirl around to face them with his eyes widened not even hearing them enter inside of the room. “fucking christ, at least say hi.”

george halted his investigative sniffing and stared straight-faced, “where’s paul?” 

stuart walked towards the bed, plopping down on it as john walked over towards the ottoman at the side of his room, sitting down nervously. stuart glanced around for a bit, “and the hell were you? cyn’s been looking all over for you.” 

john had one answer for one question, and he told himself to play it cool. just act like paul isn’t here, he’s understand, hopefully. john prayed to himself, ‘please make him understand.’ after glancing over towards the closet which made george follow his gaze, john cleared his throat. “i don’t know where paul is. and i’ve been here the whole time.”

“i saw both you and paul walk into the house. it’s not like we’re going to murder you or something, i just want to know where my best mate is, and how he’s doing.” george approached john, drawing his hands behind his backside. “plus, a lot of people have been asking about you two.” 

“especially cyn.” stuart said, as he leisurely leaned back onto john bed. catching a whiff of paul’s scent, stuart had moved the covers up towards his nose and took a quick sniff. “so he must have left earlier because this bed smells like him.” 

john stared at stuart for a clean minute, and then shook his head as he blinked, “y’all are weird. and why was cynthia looking for me?” 

george’s lips twitched into a smirk of some sort, and he began to head over towards the closet - resting his body against the wall beside the door. “because you’re her boyfriend perhaps, and maybe she’s worried about you because i dunno, you haven’t talked to her in a week or two.” 

john felt uneasy, a bit guilty at the fact that cynthia was searching around for him. yes, that was the feeling, the feeling was guilt. a huge amount of guilt that followed him around like a storm cloud above his head. “oh.”

“just oh?” stuart questioned, sitting up in the bed before glancing over towards the closet as a sudden thud resounded across the room. 

george casually opened the closet door, watching as paul slipped out only in john’s shirt and briefs. a blanket was hooked upon his shoulders, and he looked genuinely sick which was a bad impression. 

“oh, now won’t you look at that.” stuart said, getting up off of the bed and heading over towards paul who glanced around at everyone wearily. 

george shook his head shamefully, “paul you’d have the nerve to hide from your best mate eh? is that how it is?” 

john was too in shock to move, so he just stared at stuart who helped paul towards the bed. george’s voice was coated with hurt, and disbelief which caused john to snap out of his haze. “oh piss off harrison, i told him to hide in the closet, don’t get mad at him.” 

george’s face visibly relaxed. 

“so..what the fuck is going on between you two?” stuart asked, pointing his finger back and forth between the two. john looked at paul, seeing that paul already had his eyes locked onto john’s in questioning for what they should do next. george looked at stuart, and stuart looked at george — paul glanced over at george who looked from stuart towards paul and they locked eyes on their own. stuart looked from george to john who took his eyes off paul to look at stuart. 

“we’re um together now, but don’t tell cynthia please. i have to tell her on my own.” john finally announced after the intense eye contact they all shared with each other. 

“what difference would it make?” george timidly asked, which made paul silently look over to his direction in agreement. 

•••


	20. realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> due to severe writer’s block, and me being lazy. someone is going to die. enjoy!!

george kicked a tumbling pebble, hands in his pockets and eyes narrowed into a hideous glare at nothing in particular. "she's going to have a fit when she finds out, you know." he said, suddenly catching the older's attention. paul stared at him bewildered, somehow concluding that george was reading his mind in a way that he hadn't known was possible. nonetheless, he continued to be as oblivious as possible. "what do you mean?" paul asked, glancing away from george back at the pub the two was walking towards. 

"you know what i mean. you and john, john and cyn." george said, moving a cigarette from his coat pocket and guiding it towards his lips. "well, i guess she'll have a fit. i don't know too much, but i wouldn't say she wouldn't." 

paul coughed into his fist, pausing his walking to seize up at each cough that left from his lips. george stared at him unmoved, something wasn't exactly clicking with him. and it was not the fact that paul and john are together, it was the fact that john seemed to totally dismiss cynthia from his life although the two hit it off plenty of times. george thought about it more, removing an apple from a pocket inside of his coat and chomping down on it. paul soon recovered, and began to take off again which made george follow closely behind him. 

"what's he up to now?" george asked, sliding into the stool as paul took a seat as well. "john i meant, is he hanging about with stuart or something?" instead of simply answering, paul had unintentionally ignored his younger friend and placed his hands flat on the countertop, and stared at the back of them for a few seconds. "paul?" george called out, nudging paul as he took another bite of his apple. paul looked over towards george, and blinked a bit before smiling. george obviously knew how distracted the other man was by his thoughts, but he continued to bother him about different subjects to keep paul down to earth. "he's telling cynthia that he wants to breakup, well that's what he said." paul has finally answered, it was in a tone of voice that came out unfamiliar to george. it didn't even sound like paul's and george knew that it was drenched in some type of anxiety. 

"and you're nervous about that." george took another ominous bite out of his apple. reasons why paul had to be nervous about that was simple. george could feel the energy dissipating and beginning to hover over him, he hadn't known much of john but he observed that the man could do one good thing and then diffuse it in a whole. paul hadn't said anything, else but stared at his hands until richard the bar tender excused his way over to them. 

"evening george and-" ringo was about to have a stroke when he caught a glance at paul. "paul? what are you doing here? i mean- how did-" ringo was pleasantly, but unnervingly surprised by paul's appearance. paul exchanged a look with george, and george tried his best to remain patient with ringo, the man was completely harmless to the situation going on. he thought. "haven't seen you in forever." ringo said, finally gathering coherent words while his eyes softened up to a look he have paul every time they would get done shagging. 

"well now i'm here aren't i? mind getting me and georgie a drink while you're behind that counter?" paul asked, easily dismissing the almost-desperate expression on ringo's face which meant so many things. he was john's now. and he was bound to not mess that up. 

george side eyed paul in a way he hadn't done before. this was quite different, and of course he knew why but he would need to get used to it. it was just that each time they were here, paul would get pulled off of his stool and shagged mercilessly in the back of the club or outside of it then come back dizzy, soaked with cum or saliva, and buzzed with an earth shattering orgasm. instead this time, both of them watched as ringo awkwardly tread away to receive their drinks. 

"you know what would be funny?"

"what?"

"if astrid and cynthia just randomly comes in."

"paul?" george and paul whipped around finding astrid striding towards them with..cynthia. george's face drained from color, and paul just blinked his eyes in sheer confusion at what in the hell cynthia was doing here. george hadn't expected his joke to actually be literal, and he for sure was not laughing. he could have sworn paul told him that cynthia and john were talking about their relationship ending which meant there was no reason why she should be here. unless. "what are you doing back here?" astrid questioned, genuinely confused and annoyed with paul's appearance. 

cynthia and paul had their gazes locked, neither of them thinking to break it. well until astrid asked that question, causing paul to look at her as she stood next to george with her arms crossed. "can't i just get a bloody drink without being questioned?" paul spat, turning towards richard who on cue set the cups of liquor down in front of the two men. 

george shook his head, silently snickering at how smug paul seemed to be by astrid's aggressiveness towards him. he reached forward and grabbed the drink as three eye contests went on between all of them. cynthia cleared her throat, walking over towards paul as the man held the cup up to his mouth while avoiding the two women's stares. what paul was thinking about now is how john lied to him and said that he would be talking with cynthia around this time, which is also a reason why he sent everyone out of his home. 

"excuse me, i think we've met before but if you don't remember me. i'm cynthia, john's girlfriend." 

richard turnt around, walking away from the awkwardness that was forming. he thought it was best to do so anyways, avoiding any conflict with everyone he had good terms with at the moment. 

george inhaled sharply, and locked eyes with paul who seemed to have downed half of his drink. paul had then stood up and turned to face cynthia, a bold smile on his face as he stared at the blonde woman; "i remember you." paul said, tilting his head to the side as he stared deadpanned into her eyes. then with a much more empty voice, he had then said her name. "cynthia." 

astrid rolled her eyes, and grasped at cynthia's arm to pull her closer to herself protectively. george shook his head at her, feeling annoyed at her protection over cynthia as if paul was going to pounce at her and maul her to death like a lion. paul cleared his throat. "you're john's girlfriend?" 

"yes. and i wondered if we could talk somewhere private. just us two.” cynthia said, her voice a bit fragile as if she was scared and intimidated. which she was. with paul staring at her so unmoved, slightly threatening. “i have a few questions to ask you. if you don’t mind. i’m not trying to bother you or anything.” 

“i’m sure you could ask right here.” paul said, not meaning to sound so on edge but some type of anxiety was eating him up. astrid scoffed, and cynthia’s eyes slightly widened while george laughed. 

“well, fine then. are you and john in a relationship?” 

•••

john exhaled, stomping out his cigarette on the ground before continuing to walk down the sidewalk until he bumped into a man. “christ, watch it!” john spat, and then he paused as he looked closely at the man somewhat recognizing him. the older man looked like paul, but not paul at the same time which was highly unusual to run in since paul seemed like a rare gem in these streets. 

“you watch it, stupid cunt.” the older man spat, and then continued to walk away. 

john could have sworn that was paul’s father, but then he decided to not act entirely on it until later. instead, john continued his walk towards cynthia’s house and raised his fist to begin knocking on the door once he stepped foot on her porch. before knocking it he heard a loud vroom of a car, and immediately began to whirl around to see who snuck up on him with an engine that loud. the car window rolled down, and a younger friend (miraculously the same age as paul, birthday and everything) of john’s; ivan vaughan stuck his head out of the window. 

“hey lennon!” ivan called out, waving his hand. “i got my car! school paid off it did.” he laughed, genuinely happy with his new and useable merchandise. john could feel his heart beating in his ears, a smile growing on his face as he jumped off of the porch and rushed over towards his best mate’s vehicle. “better have, since i haven’t seen you in years.” 

“what are you up to? ding dong ditching someone’s ringer?” ivan asked, as he smiled up at his older friend who laughed at the accusation. “stopped that awhile ago son.” john said, and leaned back to observe the vehicle in awe of how rare, new and cleaned up it is. “this is nice ivan, really nice.” 

“want to take a ride in it?” ivan excitedly asked, smiling proudly at the inspection john lennon out of all people was giving to his car. “drive to the pub maybe, and try to get nark at some birds? or blokes in your case?” john snorted, then walked around to the other side of the vehicle and opened the door to the car before climbing into it. “fuck off.” john grunted as he closed the door, and tried to relax inwardly. 

ivan revved up his engine, and began to speed off towards the pub. 

•••

george passed his cigarette over to paul who took it without hesitation, and placed it in between his lips. his hazel eyes were locked amusedly on cynthia who was still crying hysterically, with astrid comforting her and no paul hadn’t told her him and john were a thing. the man simply just told her to go fuck off and leave him alone in a way that had seemed to tip cynthia over the iceberg, which also caused paul to earn a slap in the face. george looked in the same direction and exhaled, blowing a strand of hair from his view before looking back at paul. “are you alright?”

paul blinked, looking over towards george and nodded his head. “yes, why wouldn’t i be?” he swallowed, before taking another drag from his cigarette and going back to staring directly at cynthia. 

“she smacked the shit out of you.” 

paul laughed, and coughed up smoke that went through the wrong pipe. “shut up.” he snickered, before fixing himself as george just stared at him straight forwardly like he didn’t get the joke on this situation. “john has to be the one to tell her, she’s not my girlfriend.” paul said, on cue as john and ivan waltzed inside of the pub. “oh well speak of the devil.” paul heard george mutter smartly under his breath as everyone’s eyes turned towards john. 

“all we need is pete and stuart, then the whole gang will be here.” paul said to himself, not even noticing that george heard it when he chuckled. both of their eyes bounced from john to cynthia who stared at john in a uncertain way as if she should go up to hug him or not. 

john looked around at the half empty club, which wasn’t even that crowded as it usually was. then his eyes locked on to cynthia, then towards paul and george, and—  
john blinked, looking over towards ivan who looked at him expectantly which meant that one of them had to at least talk to get this over with. 

“hi guys!” ivan eventually called out, breaking his gaze away from john and eyeing everyone that stared at him. “i’m ivan, astrid i think you remember me do you darlin?” ivan asked, which caused astrid to slowly nod her head and stroke cynthia’s forearm. ivan looked over at george and paul who stared at him wide eyed, looking as if they were deer in the headlights. “i never seen you two before. what are you guy’s names?”

john stepped in, wanting to break the ice as much as he can. “that’s george parasol, and that’s paul mccharmley. that curious man right there is ringo stone.” he said, throwing an arm around the younger man’s shoulder as he forced out a laugh to get everyone going. “oh yeah, and cynthia powell is right there right next to astrid.” 

“she could’ve gone unnamed.” paul couldn’t help but to speak, taking another drag as he stared intently at john. “don’t you think george?” paul asked, now looking at his best mate to purposely avoid the annoyed gaze of john. a smile came across george’s face as he quickly and obediently nodded his head in agreement, which caused cynthia and astrid to scowl over at them. 

“paul’s a swine.” astrid said, which caused ivan to laugh just as nervously as john did from the tension. “isn’t he cyn?” 

“yeah a swine.”

•••

john closed the door to the car once paul got into the backseat with him. ivan parked directly in the back, grey clouds hovering over the car which seemed disappointing to ivan since he’d basically have to clean the rain stains that come with a storm off of his car. paul lit up another cigarette, shivering a bit from the cold and the anger pulsing through him as he tried desperately to flick the lighter on at the end of the cigarette. 

john watched as paul struggled for the past few seconds before finally succeeding. “this is your third one today macca, i don’t want you getting sick with some type of throat infection you know?” 

paul took a drag, looked over at john before blowing the smoke rudely in his face. “tell that blonde bitch to leave me the fuck alone, asking me whether we’re in a relationship or not. who the fuck does she think she is? and why the fuck haven’t you told her yet?”  
john should not have been surprised by paul’s random angry outbursts, but he certainly was. this was the paul that the younger may have warned him about in paris, but then again they had a lot of tumultuous arguments unfolding in paris which makes this one nothing. or that was what john had thought. 

“i was going to but she wasn’t home. so calm down, don’t get your knickers in a twist.” john spat, waving the thick cigarette smoke away from his face. if it was anyone else they would have beaten to a pulp if they ever blew cigarette smoke in john’s face. 

“had all that fucking time when everyone left the house. all you wanted to do is go to the bar and get shitfaced the come back. that must be the only reason why you came there. not to break up with happy-go-lucky cynthia, she’s nothing but a saint and i’m just a dirty swine. that’s what i am. that’s all you see me as.” paul said, reaching over towards the door handle with his free hand until john grabbed firmly at his wrist. 

“don’t start paul. i thought we left this shit in paris. really i did. and now you’re just feeding into anything your mind is telling you.” john said, holding onto paul’s wrist tight enough to have the younger stifle a squeak as he tried to remove himself from john’s grip. 

“let me fucking go! okay! okay!” paul yelled, anger flooding his system which caused his words to come out much more sharper. “i’m in the wrong for assuming, when it’s taking you longer than you fucking should to break up with the bitch!” 

“don’t call her that either!” john finally broke and removed paul’s wrist. “i’m going to be honest with you, you’re right! you were right! all along you were, i’m scared that you’d get bored and go off back to your old lifestyle. even though i reassured you countless times that you wouldn’t. all these times i haven’t even reassured myself.” john sighed, feeling a huge weight being lifted from his chest as he avoided paul’s gaze. the auburn haired lad just stared at the window being suddenly penetrated by raindrops, hoping that paul would respond verbally soon. 

“so you’re telling me...that this whole time you felt like this. even when i confessed for you and gave myself up to you? when every time we’d argue about the idea of me doing that to you, you’d always shut me up and say i’m wrong. now you’re worried about it.” paul’s voice didn’t sound like his, it sounded off and entirely on edge. 

“yes.” john felt like a typical clown, and all he could hear was paul’s heavy breathing. at this point he was half tempted to wrap his arms around the younger man, and try to comfort him the best he could. 

it was silent for a few seconds, until he felt an extreme knifing pain shattering through the skin of his neck. at first he thought it was a cramp, until he felt it twist from right to left, each twist the feeling began to become more hotter. more hot until it felt like he was being burnt alive, then there was the feeling of blood being drawn from his neck. john immediately turned his neck towards paul, with a shriek. “what the fuck is that?! what the fuck are you doing?!” john screamed, eyes watering from the immense pain smeared on his neck. it was at that moment, john watched in horror as paul removed the slightly bloody cigarette john’s his neck which was now clasped with his hand. 

john was in too much shock to decipher the fact that paul burnt his neck with a fucking cigarette as if he was an ashtray. 

paul just leaned back against the car door, and stared directly at john while he took another drag from the cigarette. john held his hand over the burnt, gaping wound on his neck as he watched paul exhale the cigarette smoke avengefully. there was a specific hurt in the younger’s eyes that john couldn’t mount to. it was a hurt john just couldn’t describe. 

paul opened the car door, “thanks for telling me.” he said kindly, before stepping out of the car and closing it as he trekked off somewhere. 

john hadn’t figured that it would be the last time he would see the younger man. 

•••


End file.
